Spittin' Into The Wind

Beer Troubleshooting Chart

2006-01-14T11:20:00.000-05:00

I get to finally have a few minutes at home, on this cold, windy, gray day. I really have nothing personally amusing to write about, unless you want to hear me bitch and moan about work and more work, so thought that I would post this most helpful chart that I snitched from a message board that I frequent.

Feet cold and wet: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Feet warm and wet: Improper bladder control. Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

Beer unusually pale and tasteless: Glass empty. Get someone to buy you another beer.

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights: You have fallen over backward. Have yourself leashed to bar.

Mouth contains cigarette butts: You have fallen forward. See above.

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Floor blurred: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. Get someone to buy you another beer.

Floor moving: You are being carried out. Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Room seems unusually dark: Bar has closed. Confirm home address with bartender.

Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. Cover mouth.

Everyone looks up to you and smiles: You are dancing on the table. Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

Beer is crystal-clear: It's water! Somebody is trying to poison you. Punch him.

Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear: You have been in a fight: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in: You've wandered into the wrong party. See if they have free beer.

Your singing sounds distorted: The beer is too weak Have more beer until your voice improves.

Don't remember the words to the song: Beer is just right. Play air guitar!

Now wouldn't this have been helpful for that New Year's party that you enjoyed? Happy 2006, and I hope it has been good to you so far.

Happy Holidays

2005-12-24T19:28:00.000-05:00

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas, enjoy your family and friends, and I hope you all get some great stuff! Nuttin like getting stuff, unless it is giving stuff. Oh heck, the gifts are not what Christmas is about at all, but still, it is nice to score some loot. May the day and weeks to follow bring you many blessings and happiness.

MERRY CHRISTMAS & Happy Birthday, Jesus, I wish we could make you proud and get better at this living together peacefully thing. Thanks for not giving up on us.

Happy Hanukkah, Happy Chanukah - blessings to you, and keep those candles burning!

Happy Kwanzaa, enjoy your special day.

Happy Eid-Al-Adha, may you have a joyous day.

Oh, just everyone enjoy a great holiday season, and remember peace on earth, goodwill toward man, and woman, and animals, and Mother Earth.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! *POP* *POP* *POP*

Back Just to Say Goodbye

2005-11-15T21:38:00.000-05:00

It was my plan to visit blogs and get caught up with what is going on, but as quickly as I was here, I was gone.

Pup continues to do well, nephew made it home, and I am leaving for the wedding on Thursday. I plan to leave Nassau for a much quieter out island after the big event, and take a few days to just recharge my batteries. With any luck, I will be able to have a few days after that to spend at home, and then I hope to visit you, before you forget who I am.

Wilma ended up smacking Florida plenty hard, I hope everyone and their friends and families escaped harm. It was a furious season, one we all hope will never be repeated.

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and there really is so much to be thankful for, I count my blessings everyday. For those who are not yanks celebrating Turkey Day, you can share our day with us and be thankful as well. Please fell free to help yourself to all the green bean casserole you can hold, somebody out there must like it. Not me.

Stay safe.

Back Again

2005-10-23T19:41:00.000-04:00

Sorry, I didn't mean to disappear again so suddenly, but I have been dealing with a pair of frantic parents, and I have to admit, I was fairly anxious myself.

My nephew was diving in Cozumel, and was to leave there this past Saturday. Of course that bitch Wilma (Fred should have divorced her), changed his plans, and he evacuated to the mainland with the thought he would be flying home early. He couldn't get a flight, and was shipped off to a shelter. He was able to use somebody's sat phone, and is being bussed to Merida, and then flown to Houston, either tomorrow or Tuesday. I understand from haunting message boards, that alot of folks will have to get home this way. We are just relieved that he is safe and will be home soon.

I curse our news media whose only focus is when will Wilma hit Florida, and almost ignore the situation in Mexico. Kudos to Fox, they at least put a little bit out there. I'm worried about folks in Florida as well, don't get me wrong, but that has been their only focus since last week. The same loops over and over and over.

Kevin, from his StormCarib site has additional pix of damage in Cancun. Made me sick looking at them. http://stormcarib.com
My heart breaks for the folks of this area, it looks so damn devasting, and I cannot even imagine how long it will take to rebuild. Tourism is their only business, so this is really gonna hurt them.

I will be back to visiting your blogs hopefully by tomorrow. I had intended on visiting them all by this weekend, but you all know about the road to hell....

Stay safe.

Autumn is Here

2005-10-18T05:41:00.000-04:00

and so am I, and it is damn cold out there. Is summer really gone?

I managed to squeeze a vacation to Bonaire, Netherland Antilles, in there somewhere, and then back to work duties for a few weeks. The damn airline lost my dive gear, so now the headache of replacing everything. I really liked my stuff.

My nephew is getting married in Nassau, Bahamas, over the Thanksgiving holidays, so I have been busy trying to find cheap travel deals for a few college friends of his. I got four of them there, 3 more to go. Why I got elected to be the planner for cheap vacations, I have no idea.

Pup is doing great, and is really enjoying the cooler weather.

Sisters Marilyn and Helen were traveling through Europe in their car. When they stopped at a traffic light in Transylvania, a tiny little Dracula jumped onto the hood and hissed through the windshield. Sister Marilyn screamed, "What shall we do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," said Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn switched on the wipers, which knocked Dracula about, but he hung on and continued hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouted. "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," said Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn turned on the windshield washer. Dracula screamed in agony as the water burned his skin, but still he clung to the wipers, all the while hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouted Sister Marilyn. "Show him your cross," said Sister Helen. "Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn. Then she opened the window and shouted, "Get the f##k off our car!!!

Enjoy your day, and be careful out there.

Here I Am

2005-09-04T09:25:00.000-04:00

Hey, sorry, but here I am. Well, for a very short time. I was called away for work purposes, and things kept popping up, and although I was home for a day here and there, I really only had time to take care of things here. I didn't mean to cause so much alarm, but thanks for your concern.

I am on my way out the door tomorrow, but had to come home to make sure pup is ok (he has recovered, so far, so good), catch up on bills, etc.I might not be around for the next few weeks, so don't be alarmed. Heck, I thought you were use to my disappearances by now.

The aftermath of Katrina is a nightmarish, heartbreaking event, isn't it? So unbelievable. God bless them all.

I have been sitting here for a good 15 minutes trying to remember how to do this, I guess it has been a long time.

I won't be visiting blogs, I do miss reading them, and miss all of you, but I just do not have enough time. When life is back to normal, I promise to be around on a more permanent basis.

Take care & stay safe

Hey, I love your hair! :)

5 Days in a Row!

2005-07-07T06:53:00.000-04:00

It has been quite awhile since I posted this many days in a row. Maybe it's a return to normalcy? Nah.

This morning I woke up, jumped out of bed and stubbed my toe within the first five steps, then was measuring out coffee and dropped the can, and just now knocked over my cup sending coffee everywhere. Does this sound normal to you? Geesh.....

I have to be on my way early today, so this will be short. I want to get in a few blogs before I leave, and then enjoy visiting more of them later this evening. Of course when I am in a hurry, you get this:

Would you rather:

1) find naked pictures of you on the internet OR naked pictures of one of your parents?

2) sneeze every hour on the hour OR squawk like a chicken whenever anybody says "chicken"?

3) be locked inside a car trunk for an hour OR strapped to the top of a 30 story building for an hour?

4) everything sweet tasted like listerine OR everything rotten tasted like chocolate fudge?

May your day be pleasant, and your work day short, and that goes for those of you who are employed at home.

Wednesday Already?

2005-07-06T00:36:00.000-04:00

I think the best part of a three day weekend, is the 4 day work week that follows. Ahhhhhh, I love it.

Updates:

1. Pup is slowly adapting, and continues to eat and poop on a regular basis. That's great! I never thought I would get so damn excited about my pup taking a crap. I am still waiting to hear the results of the biopsy.

2. A good friend of mine cared for my plants while I have been busy, and they are doing well. Maybe that should be the plan, let somebody else care for them.

3. Remember my coffee date? We have been staying in touch, and will be having dinner and a movie sometime soon. "Fantastic Four" or "Mr. & Mrs. Smith"?

4. Speaking of movies, I made the mistake of seeing "Batman Begins", and really did not care for it. Christian Bale was a passable Batman, Katie Holmes was terribly miscast, but the most dreadful thing was the new batmobile. Who dreamed up that one? Liam Neeson, Michael Caine, and Gary Oldman saved it from being a disaster. It has gotten rave reviews, so perhaps it was my frame of mind that distorted it. Just too slow in the beginning, and by the time it finally became an action movie, I already had my mind made up.

A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called, "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

"All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes, and the knob won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee".

Have a great day!

Lesson for Living

2005-07-05T09:24:00.000-04:00

An old man, a boy, and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along, they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking, and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk!

Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye.

Have a nice day and be careful with your donkey.

Happy 4th

2005-07-04T07:07:00.000-04:00

I won't moan and groan about it being Monday today, it's the 4th of July! Our nation's celebration of freedom, is one my favorite holidays of the year. Vickie, on her blog Magnolia Glen Diaries , provides an excellent historical review, and I appreciate the reminder that there is more to this day than cook-outs, beer blasts, fireworks, etc. I have to admit, one of my fondest childhood memories is that of having my whole family gathered to enjoy a cook-out, complete with homemade ice cream, ending with a great firework display.

I also want to thank Shirazi of Light Within , who acknowledged our great country on a recent comment here. For a Pakastani to pay the USA this compliment, touched me more than I can express. Thanks Shirazi, you are a great educator, writer, and just a darn nice guy. Our online community continues to shrink the world more and more. Ain't that cool?

I especially want to give thanks to those men and women, past and present, who serve in our military. Freedom does not come free, and you have my upmost respect and deep gratitude for protecting our nation. I am thankful and proud that you are willing to serve, willing to sacrifice, so that I may sleep in peace.

God Bless America, my home, sweet home.

Have a safe & happy 4th.

Update on Pup

2005-07-03T12:15:00.000-04:00

I was still travelling for work this week, and handling pup having his surgery via long distance, which is a hard thing to do. He had most of his mandible removed, they said to ensure that they got all of the cancer cells. Dogs supposedly adapt well with only one side of teeth on the bottom. I came back here just to rescue him from the hospital. He looks a little frankenpup, but will look better once the swelling goes down, and the sutures and buttons are removed. He looks beautiful to me. He is eating and eliminating fairly well, so I guess he will adapt. They should have the biopsy report on what was removed completed next week, and I hope that it is positive news. I would hate to think that he went through that, and they didn't get it all. All I can do is keep praying.

Continued thanks to all of you, for keeping him in your thoughts and prayers. He is more than a dog to me, so much more than a loyal friend. I cannot say that I am single with no kids, because he is my kid, and I am as emotional about his fight with cancer as any parent could be, so thanks again.

May you all enjoy a Safe & Happy 4th of July, and be careful with those fireworks.

Sweltering Sunday

2005-06-26T11:31:00.000-04:00

I finally got my wish, lots of heat. It's almost too hot to be outside, except for early morning, late evening. Oh yeah, I gotta remember to water plants, they have been somewhat ignored this week. My brown thumb returns.

I haven't been online this week, dealing with my pup's health issue, traveling for work, and here I said I would at least visit blogs. The road to Heaven is paved with good intentions.

My pup went to the only two cancer centers available here, I wanted to make sure I was getting as much info as I could, in order to make a responsible decision. He will have surgery this week to remove the tumor mass, and if it has invaded bone, a part of his mandible will be excised as well. In talking to two oncologists, and one surgeon, this is the best way to remove an aggressive mass from this area. Chemo is not an option (I was relieved to hear it), and just radiation in such a general area would cause damage in healthy tissue and bone. I asked how pup would look aesthetically, how would he function, especially if part of jawbone is removed, and was told that dogs do not care what they look like, that they are happy to be pain-free, and get on with the business of living. Dogs are very adaptible to this surgery, and it doesn't slow them down. Dogs respond better to this than any other treatment, with a much better prognosis. He is a beautiful animal, not quite 8 years old, in great health otherwise, and supremely intelligent. Lungs, tonsils and lymph nodes were checked, they appear clear, which means that the cells have stayed local to that gum area. Am I making a responsible choice? I hope I am, but have to admit that it is keeping me awake at night.

I won't make the mistake of promising to visit blogs right now, I just really haven't wanted to be online on evenings when I do get to be home. I hope you will all forgive me, but that's where my head is for now.

Thanks for your continued concern and best wishes, it means alot. Bless you all.

Monday, Monday

2005-06-20T06:06:00.000-04:00

I didn't want to disappoint anybody who has come to depend on my Monday grumbling, so decided to do a quick post. I want us all to remain regular, but must caution you, this post has little or no fiber content.

I really, really, really, am dreading this Monday, even more than usual, and would like nothing better than to pull the sheets over my head, and hide in bed all day. I am sure the Monday stormtroopers would find me though, and then there would be hell to pay.

The weather here is suppose to start heating up this week, and I'm glad. It's nearly summer, and these coolish, fall-like days have got to go. We gotta sweat, baby!

Plant tally:
- 6 out of 6 hanging baskets are still living,
although one seems determined to end it all
- All four potted arrangements are doing ok,
one is actually very lush
- Actual yard plantings, the news could be better,
but I'm not giving up yet

I am amazed that everything is still alive, this is my best effort so far. I guess watering does make a difference, huh?

Ok, that's all I got. Well, except for this:

Would you rather:

1. have the eyes of a fly OR the arms of a squid?

2. speak like you were in a Shakespeare play OR speak like Yoda?

3. be bitten by 300 mosquitos OR have 50 paper cuts that are soaking in a tub of lemon juice?

It's Monday, be off with you, and have the best day that you can.

Happy Father's Day

2005-06-19T07:43:00.000-04:00

If ever there was a great Dad, it would be mine. He took a small child and instilled (or intended to) the best qualities in me, and gave me the greatest gift of all, my sense of adventure. He made me confident that I could take on anything, as long as it wasn't outright foolhardy, and live to tell about it. He was the type of guy who spent time with those kids who either didn't have a dad, or didn't have a particularly great one, and make them feel good about themselves. It always made me feel so proud, maybe smug, to see other kids flock to him, and know that he was MY DAD! Here's to all the great Dad's out there, this is your day.

Here is something sent to me recently, a frustrating little game which I became obsessed with, and finally had to quit because no matter how hard I tried, I always had four left. Better luck to you. Noah's Ark

Enjoy your Sunday.

Update: I wondered why nobody commented on the Noah's Ark game. Could it be the link didn't work? DUH? I clicked on it to play and zip. It worked in the preview, honest, and I easily found my mistake. I just played and saved all the animals. There is a cool message if you get that far.

I also need to tell you that I may not be posting regularly this week due to the pup's ongoing health issue, but I hope to at least visit all your great blogs. If you are lucky, you won't have to hear me whine about it being Monday.

Yikes!

2005-06-18T00:17:00.000-04:00

uhoh, sounds like I am in trouble! Sorry folks, I didn't mean to alarm you. Those who know me well have gotten use to me MIA now and then. At least I think they have.

I took some extra days to go visit my bro in Dallas, then got home midweek, and received some distressing news. Before I left, my pup had some oral surgery done, and a biopsy was performed and sent in as a precaution. I came home to find that he has developed oral squamos cell carcinoma, a very agressive form of cancer in dogs. I have been dealing with my vet, plus talking to a doggy oncologist the past few days, as well as dealing with the heartache that goes along with it all. This pup is a huge part of my life, and the news really blindsided me.

I will post more later, but after reading the comments, I thought I better let you know that I did not drown, am not languishing in a jail cell, nor did I run off with a hot babe from Brazil........damnit.

I really miss seeing what you all are up to much more than I do posting my own BS, and I will visit soon.

Thanks for your concern, I am touched.

See You In A Week

2005-06-02T12:44:00.000-04:00

I will be leaving tomorrow for a week, so this will be my last post until my return.

Every year, a group of old school buddies get together to share some good times, and maybe raise a little hell. We pick a different state each year to meet, and this year we are going to Texas, the New Braunfels/Canyon Lake area, to go river tubing, or toobing as it is called there. I have enjoyed this many times with my bro, and love the Texas Hill Country. River tubing in itself, is a great way to relax, just drifting slowly with the currents, enjoying a brew or two, and enjoying nature. If it has rained alot, the river will be running fast, but all those rapids are alot of fun as well. The Guadalupe and Comal rivers are surprisely clean, and very clear. The area draws thousands of visitors, and many of those tubing and rafting are college students from the area universities. All those young ladies and us, ahhhhhh, can life get any better? New Braunfels is also home to the historic village of Gruene. It's a very cool place to hang out, and features the Gruene Music Hall. If you watched the movie 'Michael', this is the hall where Michael danced and enjoyed his pie. I am fortunate that there is a good blues band playing one night during our stay. We just miss the Jerry Jeff Walker performance, I would have loved to seen him, I love his music.

I had the coffee date, and it was enjoyable. It is not anything heavy right now, as we both have our own plans for the next few weeks, so things are on hold. If it's anything, it will still be around when we next see each other, right?

I have tried to visit Rhodent's blog, to see her DVD meme, but for some reason, am having a difficult time there. Rhodent, I loved your list, but couldn't see where to post. Thanks for doing it.

I stayed up way too late last night, and should be in bed right now, but had to post this first. Hopefully I will wake up early enough tomorrow to visit some blogs. I am gonna miss everyone, have a great week, and please misbehave!

G'nite!

It's Here Already!

2005-06-01T00:52:00.000-04:00

Happy Hump Day. Such a lovely phrase, isn't it? If only it meant that every Wednesday, I could recharge my soul, it would have far greater meaning for me. I have an online friend who loathes the term hump day. She will be happy that it is Wednesday. It means we are over the hump, and it's all downhill from here to the weekend.

Hey, Deep Throat revealed himself. This is Watergate days, for those who don't know. Mystery solved. History making hero's identity is now known to all. Do you care? Political historians stayed up all night to watch the coverage. Perhaps there are folks out there who had wagers on his identity, so maybe they are thrilled, but to get all this media attention is a little nuts. Media overkill, once again.

It was a long, long work day for me, but that's ok, it wasn't a Monday. It was a beauty of a day, of course it was, the three day weekend is over.

I am still stuck on what to post, so here's an oldy but maybe not so goody:

There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.

The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell sausage."

The mama mole reached her headoutside of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell pancakes."

The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles in his way. The baby mole said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses."

Think about it.

Enjoy your Hump Day, or your Wednesday, just try and have a good day.

Tuesday is Better

2005-05-31T00:38:00.000-04:00

The long weekend is over, and although going back to work today should seem as bad as a Monday, it doesn't. A four day work week is much better than five, lazy bum that I am.
Posting all the memes, about movie date, etc., must have interupted my thought process, for now I am suffering from what Denny calls blogitis. I am facing a blank wall without a can of spraypaint. I have nothing, zip, nada, and so I give you this:

Would you rather:

1. spend 76 hours at a rave OR at a work/education conference?

2. star in your own sitcom that only lasts one season OR star in one hit movie?

3. drive a winnebago everywhere for a month OR drive a scooter?

4. drink a shot of laundry detergent OR a glass full of white vinegar?

Have a great Tuesday. Only one day until hump day, and ain't that cool?

A Good Time

2005-05-30T10:43:00.000-04:00

You will be relieved to know that the movie date went very well. It did for me anyway, and she genuinely seemed to be enjoying herself.

We did find 'Amityville Horror' was still playing, so that started the evening off on a positive note. We enjoyed a nice Italian dinner first, and I was relieved when she ordered ice tea -- this definitely would be different than the date with Ms. Sloppy Drunk. I was at ease with her, and the conversation flowed smoothly, and she laughed at all the right places. It was going very well indeed.

'Amityville Horror' was a decent enough movie, not the best of it's genre, but entertaining enough. Ryan Reynolds made, and possibly saved, the movie. My date knew when to lean over and whisper something, but mostly was absorbed in the movie, which was another A+ for her. I really don't enjoy going to the movies with the chatty cathy types. After the movie, ahhhhhh, after the movie, I finally got to enjoy pie, coffee, and a discussion about the film with her. She had great comments, made several good points, and it was just fun.

It was way too early in this relationship to think about recharging my soul. Oh, I was thinking it, but I don't think she would have let me go to far. We just are not at that level yet.

So where do we go from here? With her schedule and mine, it is going to be rough finding time in the next few weeks to see each other. We are having coffee in the middle of the week, and then I am gone for a week. When I get back, she is gone for 10 days. Maybe it will work out, and what we discovered is that we like each other's company. At the very least we are good friends, and if the opportunity presents itself, there may be room for growth.

There is a bbq planned for today, and I only hope the weather cooperates. It is 53 here right now, with the possibility of rain. Blah. I have a friend who is dropping by shortly, so I will have to do my blogging later on, and visit everyone's blog.

May our UK friends enjoy their bank holiday. How many of these do you have a year?

Lastly, and most importantly, the reason I am enjoying a day off is Memorial Day. I want to give my thanks to those men and women in our armed forces, who paid the ultimate price defending our nation, and the freedoms we all hold so dear. To all our military, past, present and future, bless you all.

Today's the Day

2005-05-29T08:27:00.000-04:00

I have my movie date later on, and have not yet researched if we can still catch 'Amityville Horror', the film we originally had planned to see. If it isn't playing, I received some good suggestions from some of you for other movies to see. It seems like this movie date has been postponed a thousand times, but we were both understanding of each other's reasons for cancellation, so that is a good sign.

I want to tell you why I do not want to be tagged to do a meme. I have very limited time to blog, typically late night and early morning. My brain usually is not quite functional (no wise cracks) at those times, and asking me to think is pure torture. Plus, it takes time away from me visiting all the great blogs here, and commenting. I am quite happy posting a quick post, then going out to read your blogs, that is what I find enjoyable. So please, do not tag me. Thanks.

I have to credit Now Danny for my irreverent Sunday joke, it really made me chuckle:

A texan gets married and takes his bride to the hotel. He tells the clerk it's his wedding night and they need a room with a good strong bed. The clerk asks if he would like the bridal, he says, " No, I'll just hold her by the ears tonight."

Enjoy your day.

If It's Raining, It Must Be Memorial Day Weekend

2005-05-28T19:45:00.000-04:00

I cannot remember the last time we enjoyed a dry Memorial Day weekend. The rain drove me inside for awhile, so I thought I would post the DVD/movie meme, passed to me by Brighton. I know, I know, I said I would absolutely NEVER do another list, but who can say no to Brighton? I hope that means she wouldn't say no to me either, and don't anyone mess with my fantasy here.

1) Total number of films I own on DVD/video: approximately 200 DVDs. There were more, but I culled my collection a few months ago, and got rid of those movies that I didn't like, and would never watch again. I probably still have about 30 - 35 videos laying around that I haven't replaced yet with DVDs.

2) The last film I bought: The Aviator

3) The last film I watched: on DVD? The 'Aviator' - I loved Cate Blanchett 's Katherine Hepburn, but don't know if I would watch it again, probably not, I just cannot get into Leo.

4) Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order):

Matrix - How cool can a movie get? I never tire of watching it
Deer Hunter - A great, hard hitting film, with a stellar cast & superior acting
Holy Grail - remains my favorite comedy, I am a huge Python fan, you know
The Shining - I like both releases, but nobody does crazy better than Jack
Terminator 2 - Anuld's best, in my opinion

5) Tag five people and have them put this in their journal - do it if you want to, but who could blame you if you didn't, it's a holiday weekend.

Once again Rhodent is a victim (sorry Rho), along with:
Restless Angel
Katie
Rafe
Adrienne

This really will be the last one, DO YOU HEAR ME?

I Need a Long Weekend

2005-05-27T19:38:00.000-04:00

Whatever bug I had left me for someone else. It wasn't nice to leave you hanging, wondering if I crawled up in a hole to die, sorry for that.

I have been suffering with a headache of a different sort the past few days. I have been dealing with some stressful travel arrangements that were set for September for me and 14 others. Delta called me two nights ago and told me that their codeshare partner, Air Jamaica, has stopped all flights to Bonaire. This trip was booked and paid for, and currently the only alternatives would cost about $400 more, per person. I have been dealing with airlines, and pissed off divers for the past two nights. Hopefully, Delta will be successful in arranging a deal with American, and we will go on our merry way without incurring any additional costs. A saga to be continued later.

and Rafe, before I forget, here is my music thang.

Total volume of songs on my pc: 1 gig, close to 500 songs

The last CD I bought was: I pre-ordered The White Stripes 'Get Behind Me Satan', and am waiting for it to arrive in June. Who doesn't like Jack?

Song playing right now: All the Years, by Sawyer Brown

Five songs I listen to that mean alot to me:

Every song I listen to more than once means alot to me. Here are a few that at one time or another, have been stuck in my brain, causing me to then hum, sing, and beat out the rhythm for days on end:

1. Desperado (Eagles) - I've left instructions for this one to be played at my memorial service

2. Double Trouble (SRV) - I miss Stevie Ray Vaughn in a big way, and this remains one of my favorites

3. Turn the Page (Metallica) - I loved the way Metallica did this, it blew me away

4. Layla (Derek and the Dominoes) - what guy cannot relate to this song?

5. The Reason (HoobaStank) - I could identify with the lyrics, along with a few million others

I am not passing this off to anyone right now, I really wouldn't want to ambush somebody who has done it before. If it is something you would enjoy doing, just leave me a comment.

TGIF! especially as it is the beginning of a three day weekend. Enjoy yours! :-)

Happy HDay

2005-05-25T01:10:00.000-04:00

I am still suffering from whatever bug brought me home from work yesterday. The headache is excruciating.
Maybe sinus? Possibly allergies? I have never suffered from them, but there is alot of junk in the air. The weather isn't helping. It's been rainy and cold here for the past two days.

I haven't spent alot of time online today, so probably missed a few blogs, I will catch up tomorrow.

I also didn't finish the music meme passed to me by Rafe, give me a few days.

Would you rather:

1. have to hold onto the roof of a speeding car for a block OR jump from a moving train travelling 50 miles per hour?

2. see lots of movies in theaters for six months where other patrons were too loud OR not see any movies for a year?

3. have the ability to heal by touch OR have the ability to see the future with 85% accuracy?

Enjoy your day, we are halfway there.

Grrrrrrrr

2005-05-24T00:08:00.000-04:00

I was tagged by dl the brat, to list ten things I have never done before (and trust me, I never intend to), then tag three more victims. Somehow, she feels I owe her this, even after I loudly proclaimed that I hate these things, and I wouldn't do one again. Why am I doing it? To keep the peace. Then I will do the music meme that Rafe tagged me for, and that is it! FINI! I hope I am sounding mean, am I? LOL Here's my list:

1. I have never wore a dress
2. I have never wore a bra
3. I have never wore crotchless panties
4. I have never wore pantyhose
5. I have never wore high heels
6. I have never used a dildo
7. I have never used a tampon
8. I have never faked a headache to get out of having sex
9. I have never been a hooker
10. I have never participated in synchronized swimming

Tada!

My four victims are Sara, Walker, Shirazi, and Rhodent. Sara & Walker because I owe them one, and Rhodent & Shirazi because I know that they will follow through. I am ambushing four, because I can. I want to share the love.

Have a great day!

Nooooo, It Can't Be! Not Yet!

2005-05-23T06:19:00.000-04:00

Just as quickly as it began, it was over. Can it really be Monday? Already? I suppose I should be grateful that I had a few days to blog, catch up on yardwork, and just chill, but I needed a little more time.

I phoned the coffee date, soon to be movie date, last night, and we have plans to finally go out and see a movie this coming weekend. As much as we both wanted to see 'Amityville Horror', it might be impossible to find it still playing somewhere. Any suggestions? Not Star Wars, I really am not a fan. I will see it eventually, but have no pressing need to see it now. Alec Guinness as Ben Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Harrison Ford's Han Solo, made me like the original, and without them, I lost interest. So many of the remaining characters make me grit my teeth. No, I never had a crush on Princess Leia -- who could get the hots for a chick with cinammon buns stuck on either side of her head? So ok, any movie suggestions other than Star Wars?

I did catch 'Jason and the Argonauts' on Turner last night. Talk about a classic. I love that flick. It still works for me, especially the battle with the skeletons. Harryhausen was definitely ahead of his time.

I just thought of something, all I have to do is put in a week, and then it is Memorial Day weekend. Ok, maybe I can do this.

Enjoy your week, I hope it is a good one.

Sunday Morning Sex

2005-05-22T00:35:00.000-04:00

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a
heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even...Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

and now for something a bit more appropriate for Sunday:

Always Victoria
Many of you are regular visitors of Victoria's, a blog filled with inspiration and affirmation. Victoria, with help from Joe Cool - Cowboy Poet, instituted a Circle of Love award, and once again are requesting nominees for what will soon become a prestigous award among bloggers. This is from Victoria:

Now It is time for us to get busy with our Circle of Love. Send me your nomination and also spread the word and the love. Remember we want this to grow and to see good things come out of this and you can help me, how you might ask. Write a post on your blog about it so your readers know it is going on. I am not looking for this to come from just people I know. Place a button on your site. If you have forgot just what the Circle of Love is all about I will remind you.

Who do you know that is a good, understanding, compassionate person who tolerates others to be who they choose to be, and works to unite and make us all better, and who deserves to be appreciated? Send it to me at alwaysvictoria@bellsouth.net or to my Partner, the wonderful Cowboy, who will tell you more about it soon. Make certain you send that by May 30th and the winner will be announced by June 10th.

Visit Always Victoria, on her recent ' Remember We are All Blessed' post she explains the qualities a nominee should have in her lovely fashion, and it's just a good place to hook up with some positive vibes.

May you enjoy a beautiful Sunday. Keep an ear out for the ice cream truck. ;)

It's Alive!

2005-05-21T06:14:00.000-04:00

I should have said in my previous post, that I would return late next week (this week). I didn't, because I thought I would get back to blogging sooner than this, but better late than never. As it is, I will still be distracted by a work project for a few more weeks, but hopefully the time consuming part is behind me.

Housekeeping duties await me here. I still have the "What If" post to thrill you with. Maybe not exactly thrilling, or even humorous, but I need to get it done so Walker will know that I fulfilled my mission......sorta. Here 'tis:

If I could be a doctor - I would be a gynecologist, the reason should be as plain as the _______ on your _______(fill in the blanks.)

If I could be a taxi driver - I would quietly observe all of my fares, and then, like so many other cabbies before me, would write a bestseller, which later would be be adapted to a broadway play. If that doesn't work for me, then I will have a hot expose to sell, based on the actions of my many famous & infamous fares. I guess blackmail might be a bigger payday than selling to the tabloids. Let's all hope I sell my novel, and keep my integrity intact.

If I could be an architect - I would design low impact buildings on caribbean islands, which would blend harmoniously with the surrounding environment. I would become so successful, so renowned, and so filthy rich, that I would buy my own island, and spend my free time beachcombing in the nude.

If I could be an innkeeper - I would run an intimate, seaside establishment, small, but a quality place, big on privacy. There would be mandatory 10 PM skinny dipping every night.

If I could be a lawyer - I would do everybody a favor and retire, the world has way too many attorneys.

I have chosen the following victims to prepare a list of their own, sorry my friends, but I picked you because I know you could have fun with it, and you won't let me down, right? No groans allowed, I bitched enough for all of us, lol.

Rhodent
MrGonSings
Shirazi
katie
Fizzy
DL

The general rules are as follows: from the list of occupations below, select five (5), and write a post on your blog, on how you would perform each, if they were your job. Maybe add a little more to it than I have here. When you are done, add a couple of occupations to the bottom, and ambush five other fellow bloggers to prepare a list. I am so late getting to this, I doubt there is anyone left who hasn't done it. I think I will add a new rule, that if you have already participated, and want out of doing it again, it is up to you find somebody to pass it off to, and it CANNOT be me, not ever again! Sounds fair, no? I don't ever want to get one of these damn lists again, of any kind.

If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...(by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate...(By Teach)
If I could be a service member...(By Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner...(By Blue 944)
If I could be an actor... (By Blue 944)
If I could be an agent...(By KelBel)
If I could be video game designer...(By KelBel)
If I could be a comic book artist...(By Stoli)
If I could be a hooker...(By Pollo Loco)
If I could be a crack addict (by Elizabeth)
If I could be a porn star (by Elizabeth)
If I could be a mime (by Garrison)
If I could be a domestic engineer (by Rick)
If I could be a chimney sweep (by laine)
If I could be a masseuse (by laine)
If I could be a taxi driver (by Brian)
If I could be a priest (by Brian)
If I could be a fighter pilot (by Sara)
If I could be a homeless person (by Sara)
If I could be a biker (by Walker)
If I could be a mortician (by Walker)
If I could be a marine biologist (by DB)
If I could be a garbageman (by DB)

I will be catching up with your blogs this weekend, but you know if the sun be shining, I will be outside enjoying it.

Hi All

2005-05-12T06:46:00.000-04:00

A quick update of the past week. My bro and I had a great time on our extended weekend, he is now safely back home. I got use to the smartass being around, I guess I miss him.

He got on the plane, and I had to take a trip for work reasons. Damn, I hate when real life intrudes. I should be back to a somewhat regular schedule next week, and a big thanks for those who haven't given up on me. I don't even have time to visit your blogs, and I really miss reading them all. I still have the "What if" list that Walker passed off to me to get to, and that will get done when I get back.

Forgive me for not being around, but I will return. For now, I give you this:

Would you rather:

1. not wear any underwear for a month OR wear underwear of the opposite sex for a month?

2. be forced into the witness relocation program OR have somebody steal your identity?

3. eat a zebra steak OR scrambled ostrich eggs?

4. go on vacation to disneyworld for a week OR japan for a week?

Take care and enjoy your weekend.

3 A.M.???

2005-05-05T02:57:00.000-04:00

I cannot believe the time, and I have to wake up in a few hours, and I can guarantee that I won't be blogging.

I only have a few days left with my brother, so I will be focusing on him for the next few days. We are taking a weekend trip to visit some friends, and I can finally give him some undivided attention. I already had my vacations booked for the year when he made his surprised visit, so I couldn't take time off, and it makes me feel guilty as hell.

DAMN YOU WALKER! I AM SHAKING MY FIST AT YOU! Walker has tagged me for the "What If" list, and I can promise you that it won't get done today.

I am outta here, enjoy your day.

*YAWN* Good morning. For the record, I am not really THAT pissed at Walker. I've managed to duck and dodge that list a few times, it was inevitable that I would get tagged someday. I've enjoyed reading everyone's answers, and I just hope I will be able to contribute something witty myself. Maybe half-witty?

Happy Cinco de Mayo! Goce este día especial.

It is Spring, Right?

2005-05-04T06:45:00.000-04:00

It is a bone chilling 30 degrees this morning, with frost! The birds are quiet, probably in shock, their little beaks frozen shut.

My brother and I enjoyed a late dinner last night, at one of his favorite places here. He spent the day in a prone position, recovering from his active day on Monday. I think he is gonna make it.

I have a net friend, the same one who could never post her personal life on a blog, who has asked me a question. To kill two birds with one stroke of the key (I won't have to think of what to blog today, and she will get an answer), I am asking that you help answer it. Yes, she does read my blog now and then. GOOD MORNING TO YOU, I KNOW YOU ARE OUT THERE!

This is more or less her question "aren't blogs like a personal journal? My question is, why do people write them? My answer to that in this odd world we live in is........... to get others to talk with or to you." She is wondering if her answer on this is correct, or if there is more to it.

I do not think she is looking for the definition of blog here, more like what does blogging mean to us personally. Why do we blog?

I am seriously short of time this morning, as I slept in. I will be catching up with your blogs this evening.

Enjoy your day, we are halfway through the week, and the sun is going to shine *fingers crossed*

Brrrrr Tuesday

2005-05-03T05:57:00.000-04:00

Is it really May? My current temp is 37 degrees, but at least I knew enough to bring my plants in. It can start warming up anytime now, I feel the need to wear shorts. I don't know how to dress for the day. It starts out cold, and by mid-afternoon it is 60's.

My bro had a great time yesterday with our friend. I had a late night working, and we didn't see each other until later in the evening. We spent a little time together before turning in. Not an exciting day for me, but it was Monday after all, and I did get through it.

Ok, I covered the weather and my brother, now I am stuck. Wait, I can do this!

Would you rather:

1. eat earthworm cake OR ladybug ice cream?

2. have your teeth turn brown OR your finger nails turn yellow?

3. wear a tutu over everything OR wear a top hat all the time?

The birds are waking up and singing their hearts out, they sound so positive that it's going to be a good day. I think so too, please enjoy yours.

Monday With a Smile

2005-05-02T06:31:00.000-04:00

That's right, I am happy, and it is Monday. I am not happy it is Monday -- that would be a stretch, but my brother being here helps cushion the blow. I am smiling because he is here.

We had a pleasant day yesterday, brunch,a drive, and visiting friends. He has a very hard time getting around, but I am amazed at his progress since I last saw him. He might not recover 100%, but I bet he gets damn close.

I would love to have today off to spend with him, but that is not possible, so he is spending the day with a dive buddy, in his dive shop. I know how much he wants to return to diving, and he will be happy spending the day talking the talk with others.

I haven't really had time to think about what to post today, so I will make a few comments on the news.

1. Runaway bride -- she should be charged with stupidity. If she would have simply told her fiance that the wedding was too overwhelming, do you think he would have minded eloping or something? He is a guy, he would have jumped for joy to get out of that huge production. Something is not right about her, to go to the extremes that she did, and he should run away as fast as possible. I think she should be charged, and made to repay the expenses of the search.

2. Boys lost at sea rescued - what an amazing story, unbelievable that they were found that many days later. I am sure their parents
were thinking the worst, and can you imagine their joy when the boys were found alive? Miracles can and do happen. Everyday.

3. Judgement Day Prophecy - this is a little scary, and leave it to the media to incite panic and anxiety by reporting these things. I hope the end of the world isn't coming soon, I still have so much to do, I didn't finish my laundry for crying out loud. Do you think there is something to this? I think they better give Pope Benny extra protection, and keep him healthy, just in case.

Enjoy your Monday as best you can, and Fizzy, I am giving you a raspberry for enjoying a bank holiday and having the day off.

Happy May Day

2005-05-01T04:21:00.000-04:00

Happy first day of May! My brother and I have been in competition with each other, over who has the funniest recollection of growing up. Alot of laughter here. We are going out for Sunday brunch, and then for a drive. It is going to be sunny, a good day for cruising along. The movie date did understand, what a relief. Her mom was released from the hospital on Thursday, and she said she really needed to be with her anyway. Isn't it great when things work out best for everyone? Family first, always. I was going to post something about May Day, Beltane to the pagans, but cannot think clearly, so offer instead this most (in)appropriate Sunday post:

Update - while I was getting dressed, my bro was reading my blog and told me to remove this joke. He said although God does have a tremendous sense of humor, my creation is proof of it, he found it offensive for a Sunday, and was sure others would as well.

I don't normally give a rat's ass about what other people think, but he is not "other" people, so I caved. I have to admit, he might have a point.

He is standing over me with a club, that's the real reason, I deleted the joke.

He told me to post it on another day, but I argued if it is offensive today, how would any other day make it less offensive?

The club is big and heavy, so the joke is gone. Perhaps you will see it another day.

I am leaving now to finish getting dressed to take my saint of a brother out to Sunday brunch. Mind you, brunch, not church.

Enjoy your Sunday everyone.

Surprise Visitor

2005-04-30T05:09:00.000-04:00

Friday afternoon, as I was winding up my work day, and looking forward to the weekend, I received a call from my brother.

bro - "Hey, how ya doing?"
me - "It's Friday, it's all good. What's up?"
bro - "I was wondering if you would mind swinging by the airport and picking me up?"
me - "Is this a joke?"
bro - "Would you please just get your ass in the car and pick me up?"

My brother lives in Plano, Texas. He was here for the holidays, and we had a blast during his visit. Almost immediately after returning to Texas, he was involved in a bad accident, and ended up with serious injuries. I flew there to be with him, and stayed until I was sure he would be ok. He has more recently been struggling through physical therapy, and has reported every moan and groan to me. I knew he would push himself to the extreme, he is a very active guy, and wants to return to his normal life ASAP. I had no idea that he was ready for a trip here, he wasn't so sure himself, but he said it was a test. I arrived at the airport, and found the gimp sitting uncomfortably, and it was hard not to hug him to death, and get all teary. He was Mr. Cool, but I think he was too tired to get over emotional. God, how great to have him here.

He didn't want to go out to eat, so we stopped by his favorite place, White Castle. They don't have WC in Texas, and he is addicted to the stink burger. On the drive home, we decided to watch 'Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle'. It's a hilarious movie that he hadn't seen, and it seemed appropriate. Slick, huh?

I will have to cancel my movie date, but if she is the right kind of person, she will understand.

My bro is here, my bro is here, and I don't even care if it's raining today!

It's Not Monday, It's ....

2005-04-29T02:03:00.000-04:00

FRIDAY! My favorite day of the work week, dress down, be a clown, leave early, because it's Friday!

This had to be one of the longest weeks, and I am glad to see the weekend here at last. I've hardly had time to blog, to read, no watching the tube, no going for coffee, nada. A thoroughly unenjoyable week, except for the small amount of time I managed to be here, reading your blogs.

I've noticed that most of them have been humorous this week, really funny stuff. I have been living vicariously through your posts. Thanks for having a life.

I am so happy that the weekend is here, that I won't whine about the damn, rotten, crappy, weather I am going to have this weekend.

Look at the time, I should be in bed already instead of racking my brain for something to post. You know what happens when I can't really think adequately to post, don't you?

This happens!

Would you rather:

1. your ears be bleeding OR your eyes?

2. smell like vanilla cake frosting OR fresh-cut lime wedges?

3. get comments on your hair OR your smile?

4. have an addiction to coffee OR an addiction to bubble gum?

Hey everyone, TGIF! Enjoy yours.

Thursday

2005-04-28T06:53:00.000-04:00

Thursday, the fifth day of the week, is named for Thor, the norse god of Thunder. How appropriate, since today is the beginning of a three day stretch of thunderstorms in my area. The good news is, we won't see a return of last week's snowy weather.

Don't you think that Thursday is an under-appreciated day? It's just a filler to get us to Friday. One more day, I can make it! It has been a long work week for me, the only time I've had to be online is early morning. I hope to get everything swept under the carpet, so I can enjoy more time this weekend.

Blogger ate my original post, and I do not have time to redo, so you have to settle for this, but here's a little something to make it somewhat entertaining:

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

I am going to run out of time this morning, but I will catch up commenting on your blog this evening. Enjoy a great Thursday!

Quacks

2005-04-27T04:46:00.000-04:00

I was involved in a discussion yesterday, regarding the medical profession, and how many 'quacks' there seem to be. Everyone had opinions on certain doctors and their abilities, knew of tragic misdiagnosis, questioned the level of competent doctors that med schools are churning out, etc. This is the home of The Ohio State University, and the renowned OSU medical school, which made the discussion even more interesting, as several of the questionable doctors are graduates of here.

Somewhere in the midst of the discussion, I started wondering about the word 'quack', it's origin, and how it came to be related to the medical profession. You know how it is when you get something stuck in your mind, you cannot let it go. Not that long ago, I would have had to make a trek to the library to do the research, but thanks to Al Gore's creation of the internet, I was able to track down the origin with relative ease.

During the great plague in the middle ages, bogus healers preyed on the people by selling them fake medicines. Their noisy sales talks reminded the Dutch of ducks, so in Holland they became known as quacks.

Can you imagine a world without the net now? It has added so much to our lives, and allows us to be more intelligent, clever, and creative.

I miss the smell of the library, that mustiness, maybe I will make a nostalgic visit to one soon.

Long Work Day

2005-04-26T00:26:00.000-04:00

Long day. No snow. Sun came out. Still cold. That's all.

And now for something crude. I don't know this from personal experience, but in theory, it sounds like it would hurt like hell. You will either go ewwww, or laugh along with me. Maybe it's a guy thing, or maybe it seems funny because it is after midnight, and I am tired to the bone.

Are you aware of the discovery

in the human body of a nerve that

connects the eyeballs to the anus?

It is called the anal optic nerve.

It is responsible for giving people

a crappy outlook on life.

If you don't believe me,

pull a hair from your butt

and see if it doesn't

bring a tear to your eye.

School Project

2005-04-25T00:02:00.000-04:00

A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments that were funny and some that were sad. Here are some of them. The kids were between the ages of 5 and 8 years.

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are in continent. (Wayne age 7)

A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of it's head. (Billy age 8)

My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

My Mom has fish nets, but doesn't catch any fish (Laura age 5)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

When me and Sarah went to the sea side in the summer holidays, we hid in the sand dunes and watched my big sister doing it with her boy friend. It was fun. (Lauren age 7)

A submarine goes under the water like a fish, but it has lots of seamen inside. (Emma age 5)

When I grow up, I want to be captain of a big ship, and have lots of sailors. (Valerie age 6)

Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

It's Monday *grumble grumble* but hey, have a GREAT DAY!

Happy Sunday

2005-04-24T06:51:00.000-04:00

Good news, I did not wake to 2"-4" inches of snow this morning. There is a very light, fine snow falling, but it is like a mist, and the little covering that I see, looks more like frost than snow. We have a snow advisory until 4 a.m. Monday, so I am not out of the woods yet. The plants are resting comfortably inside, thanks to many of you for letting me know to bring them in. You are heroes, you saved their lives.

There will be no movie date today, her Mom went to the hospital yesterday. She called me from there, so I am assured it is not a bogus excuse. I really wanted to see it, but I can wait.

I ignored all my household chores yesterday, so today I am giving myself only two hours of blog time, then I have to get things done. It usually takes me three hours or more, to post and visit everyone's blogs, but I will get to every one of them by this evening.

Would you rather:

1. be constantly sweating on the back of your knees OR always think you have bad breath?

2. come home and somebody painted all your walls bright red OR somebody replaced all your floors with astroturf?

3. win a new car OR win a two week, all expenses paid, vacation to anywhere in the world?

4. have a tapeworm OR lice? - yes, the ewwww factor, but choose

April Showers

2005-04-23T06:35:00.000-04:00

It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring. What a change in my weather, and although April showers bring May flowers, the only thing April snow is going to bring me is cold feet, and maybe dead flowers.

I cannot believe we are going to see snow this late in April, but that's the forecast for tonight and tomorrow, then followed by a steady week of rain. BLAH!

Last night we had a storm blow through that caused an electrical outage, perhaps Mother Nature's subtle way of forcing me to get some sleep.

I need some advice from somebody with a green thumb. What do I do with my newly purchased hanging baskets and potted plants? The lows will mostly be in the low 40's, but I worry that when it gets cold enough to snow, those plants will be goners. If I bring them in, will it be too warm and kill them? I told you that I was toxic to plants, primarily because I don't know a thing about them.

Rain, rain go away, come again some other day, DB wants to go outside and play.

I suppose all the rain is necessary to make the flowers and green grass grow.

Speaking of green, ladies, what do you have if you have 1 green ball in your left hand and 1 green ball in your right hand?
Complete control of the Jolly Green Giant.

Enjoy your weekend.

Disorder in the Court

2005-04-22T02:22:00.000-04:00

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Good Coffee

2005-04-21T07:58:00.000-04:00

I had some trouble with Blogger this morning, am running late, but wanted to let you know how the coffee date turned out.

I think meeting somebody for coffee takes alot of the pressure off, either one of us could have left at anytime. As it happens, we stayed and talked for quite awhile.

We talked about our day, our work, our likes and dislikes, and all those things you talk about when you are starting to get to know someone. She was upfront in telling me that she was not looking for a serious relationship, as she had recently broken off a deadend one. It had distracted her from continuing her masters degree, and school will remain her focus, it is important to her. She works and has evening and weekend classes, so doesn't have alot of free time. I enjoyed her candor, and respect her for wanting to complete her degree. She has a sense of humor, and more importantly, she has a sense of self. I felt at ease with her within a short time. Learning that she wasn't looking for a relationship probably had alot to do with it. She was drinking latte, and not made with skim milk. Brighton, does that mean she is not high maintenance?

We have many things in common, our love of the outdoors, travelling, the ocean, and movies. We talked alot about movies, and like many of the same ones. That was a big plus, after Ms. Sloppy Drunk.

We like each other, and even if we don't end up being lovers, I am confident that we will grow to be good friends. Not that I would mind the former, she is good looking, and my soul is still waiting to be recharged.

We have tentatively set a date to see 'Amityville Horror', yep, I really like her.

Thanks to Blogger, I now do not have time to visit all your great blogs, but will catch up tonight.

I Need Coffee

2005-04-20T00:56:00.000-04:00

How did it get this late? I wanted to turn in early, because of my coffee date this evening. So many great blogs, so little time.

I was talking to a good friend of mine on the phone earlier about how cautious I will be, because that last dating episode ended up being the pits. She told me that I wasn't being fair to this date, and to leave that mistake behind me. I can't help it, it was such a disaster, and one that I don't want to repeat, especially not anytime soon. She continued to blather on about not analyzing, don't be judgemental, blah blah blah. She told me to keep an open mind, and just enjoy the conversation. I told her I fully intended to keep an open mind. Then she, this woman who is like an older sister to me, came back with "A penis has a hole in the end so men can be open minded." I am not sure where that came from, but it had me rolling on the floor.

What's the worst that can happen? I will at least enjoy the coffee.

Go Ahead and Choose

2005-04-19T00:02:00.000-04:00

I enjoyed sitting on my back deck last night and unwinding, after a long work day. I managed to clean the deck and patio furniture, as well as the front porch furniture over the weekend. I bought the hanging baskets and potted plants to spruce up both areas even more.

Last night I chose to sit out back, because I grilled a nice steak for my dinner. I might not be much of a cook, but I can grill, I think most men are born grillmasters. I like grilling out, wearing shorts and barefoot -- I love this weather.

I enjoy sitting on the front porch just as much, it's just a nice place to relax at day's end with a glass of iced tea.

I'm glad I have a choice of either area.

Speaking of choices, would you rather:

Have Starr Jones over for dinner OR Mike Tyson?

Put cheez-whiz on everything you eat OR marshmallows?

Hitchhike everywhere you go OR walk?

Dress in designer clothes OR nothing but a grass skirt and coconut bra? (sorry men)

Monday Morning Misery

2005-04-18T07:29:00.000-04:00

I woke up in a miserable mood. Yesterday was a great day, I had fun well into the evening, went to bed at a reasonable time, and then woke up realizing this is Monday morning. Already? I know you are tired of hearing me piss and moan about Mondays, but it just seems that I should have another day off to fully recharge myself. To make matters worse, it is going to be near 80, and sunny today, a day to enjoy life, not go to work.

I went to a garden center yesterday, and purchased some hanging baskets, and various potted plants, to arrange on my front porch and back deck. Somebody else planted them, so they might have a chance. I am deadly toxic to, but enjoy the beauty of flowers.

I had a few things to add to this post this morning, but my mind went blank. I really need to keep a little notebook around to jot down things when I think of them. It takes three cups of coffee to jumpstart my brain, and I am only on my first.

Ok, I have stared at the screen for an additional five minutes waiting to be inspired, to come up with something clever, or at least interesting, to add to my post. Hopeless.

"Blessed is he who, having nothing to say, refrains from giving wordy evidence of the fact."

Who am I to argue with such sage advice? I hope you all enjoy your Monday.

Sunny Saturday

2005-04-17T00:54:00.000-04:00

The weather here was glorious -- sunshine, blue skies, can anything really be finer than a beautiful Spring day? I hope you all had great weather, and were able to go outside and enjoy it. I spent the long afternoon on a nearby lake, and couldn't get enough of the sunshine. I am so ready for summer, I love the heat.

I received a call from last night's date, who claims to have no recollection of the drink and dial episode. We had a discussion covering what I like, what she likes, and she had to agree that we don't have anything in common. It was amicable enough, for that I am thankful. What guy secretly doesn't dread a fatal attraction sneaking up on them? This happens to men too, dear ladies. Stalking seems to be a serious sport for a few people.

"In the end we're all Springer guests, really, we just haven't been on the show." -- Marilyn Manson

I never want to be on Springer, so I hope MM was speaking of his own friends. I can see that, can't you?

Sunday promises to be another great day, get out there and enjoy it!

Another One Bites The Dust

2005-04-16T07:37:00.000-04:00

I was so looking forward to Friday night -- the long work week was over, taxes are done, and I have a date.

She chose to go out to a few clubs, as it is her usual Friday night thing. I picked her up and we had dinner first, and then off we went to club #1. Good crowd, and she knew quite a few people here. She was off every few minutes to talk to somebody, and I really didn't mind, it gave me a chance to people watch. We dance a few dances, and left to go to Club #2.

#2 was LOUD, a big crowd, and it was all about drinking. I am not a heavy drinker, but my date seemed to be a bottomless well, she really socked them away. It was hard to dance, the crush of folks on the dance floor meant you really only had room to move your arms a little, and shuffle your feet in place. Maybe it was because I wasn't drinking, but I wasn't really into this scene. I told her that I would like to move on, she said she really loved it here, but she agreed to leave after a few more drinks.

Club #3 was a little better, and it was here that I noticed how totally wasted she was, because I had to support her during one of the dances. We get back to our table, and I suggest some coffee, but she ignored me and had another drink. Remembering back to our dinner the previous weekend, I was wondering if she has a drinking problem. She was in no condition to dance, and really was in no condition to carry on a conversation either. I was bored at this point, and told her that I really had to get going, I have to get up early in the morning. She wasn't ready to call it a night, and told me to have a few drinks and loosen up. All of this said in a drunken slur, and it was 1:30 a.m, not exactly last call, but not early either. I watched her have another one, and then told her that we had to leave. I was relieved that she was able to walk, she was at that sloppy drunk stage, that only somebody else sloppy drunk wouldn't notice.

We get to her house, and she was insistent that I come in for awhile. I reminded her that I had to get up early, and a small arguement ensues. I start to panic, and wonder how the hell am I going to get her out of my car. I finally get out, walk around to her side, and pull her out. I walk her up to her door, and she is still insisting that I come in and have one for the road. I ask if she could make some coffee, I wouldn't mind some. She answers, "What, and ruin this buzz?" I am so done here.

4:23 am, I receive a phone call. Yes, you've guessed it, someone called me while intoxicated. I really didn't think we were at that level of comfort to drink and dial one another. She asked me because she "really needs to know" if I was interested in her or not. "What's the point in moving so slowly, anyway? If we aren't meant for each other the sooner we find this out the better, right?" That is the gist of her conversation. I actually pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it as if I were looking at her with two heads. This is not the sort of conversation you want to have with somebody inebriated let alone at 3:30 in the morning. I was disenchanted and annoyed, and told her that now wasn't a good time, and we would talk later. She turned me off completely, and as far as she and I being a couple, it's so-not-go.

I am not being judgemental here, but it is so obvious that we are not compatible AT ALL, and so it ends.

Another one bites the dust.

Tax Freedom Day

2005-04-15T06:12:00.000-04:00

I took last night off to get my taxes done. I did it. I AM DONE! Once I got into it, it took me almost 4 hours. I procrastinated something awful. I hate that. If I was the donee instead of the donor, they would have been mailed in February. My friend Jim told me to make the check out to the 'Eternal Revenue Service'. Do you suppose the IRS has a sense of humor?

Tonight I am meeting the chicky from the ill-fated movie date this past weekend. She is in control of this one, and I am curious what her choices will be. I suppose going to see 'Amityville Horror' is too much to hope for.

I had a nice phone call from the lady that I had originally thought to take on the movie date. She had been away for the weekend, and was sorry she missed my call. She had seen 'Sin City' and loved it. Why do things always work out this way? We are meeting for coffee early next week.

Enjoy your Friday, I hope the sun is shining for you.

Wednesday was but a Blur

2005-04-14T00:37:00.000-04:00

Another late night, I made it through, but it seems like I am getting here later and later. I know I missed commenting on some blogs tonight, but I will catch up soon.

Brighton suffered the loss of her two beloved dacshunds, George & Gracie, yesterday. Please stop by her blog and offer your condolences, I am sure it would mean alot to her. http://brightonandbear.blogspot.com/

Here are some good one-liners:

1. If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - George W. Bush
2. 43% of all statistics are worthless.
3. 7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
4. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
5. A bad plan is better than no plan.
6. A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
7. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
8. A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
9. A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.
10. A drunk mans' words are a sober mans' thoughts.
11. A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
12. A gentleman is a patient wolf.
13. A good pun is it's own reword.
14. A little bit of powder, a little bit of paint, makes a girl's complexion seem what it ain't.
15. A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
16. A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price.
17. A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows.
18. A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
19. A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
20. A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
21. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
22. A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
21. A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend.
22. A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.
23. A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students
24. A weekend wasted isn't a wasted weekend.
25. A smart man covers his ass, a wise man leaves his pants on.

A Short Night

2005-04-13T00:03:00.000-04:00

Another late night at work, but I did visit many of my friends here, and commented on their posts. It was uplifting to read that most were enjoying a much better day today than yesterday. You can blame yesterday on alot of things, but I will blame it on being Monday.

I need to go get myself tucked in, because I am tuckered out, but I will leave you with this little gem:

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;
because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.
I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;
for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

-- Milton Berle. Uncle Milty provided a great message with this one.

Another Monday Done

2005-04-12T00:46:00.000-04:00

This is one of those nights that I really don't have much to post about. I woke, I worked, I came home. Tada. It was a long work day, and after getting home, I tried to visit everyone's blog, and I hope I didn't miss anyone.

I love reading how you spent your day, what your thoughts are, about your plans, and the great humor that can usually be found. Tonight though, I read quite a few posts filled with frustration, overwhelming sadness, anger, and loneliness. What can you say when people are experiencing things that make them feel this way? My comments seem so inadequate, I wish I could offer greater comfort. I know that just writing about it helps those who are troubled, it has helped me. Maybe all we can do is be there for each other.

I was hoping this week to figure out how to embed links, and post photos. It will have to wait.

Most of my work week is going to be long hours like today, so I might not be able to post on a daily basis. I hope to at least visit your blogs.

The Tax Man Cometh, Prepare! I haven't gotten around to doing my taxes yet, another big bite out of my time. I guess I better do them real soon. Like maybe this week.

Sin City, Not a Date Movie

2005-04-11T00:54:00.000-04:00

I finally went to see 'Sin City', and it was great! RA, http://restlessangel.blogspot.com/ thanks for recommending it, it was film noir at its best. Kudos to Rodriguez for staying faithful to the comic. I think this is one of those films folks are either going to love, or will think it is the most dreadful movie ever made. They might overlook the intent, the artistry, the sheer boldness of it. How could anyone not love Mickey Rouke's Marv? Bruce Willis does what Bruce does best, he is a great good guy. I will say no more, I don't want to spoil it for anyone.

Here is something stupid I did. I took one of the ladies from Friday night to see it. How incredibly brilliant of me, this was anything but a date movie. See how sensitive I am? I wanted to see it, so that's what we did. I am actually relieved that Ms."I really would like to hear from you" did not answer her phone, and that I called the other one. She answered and said she wanted to go. Dinner before movie, a little wine, me one glass, she the rest of the bottle, then off to see the flick. Throughout the film, I sensed that she was not into it. I should have asked if she wanted to leave, but I really wanted to see it! As we left the cinema, she asks "why was it black and white?", and "that was extremely violent, did you really enjoy it?". *SIGH* It was a very short film discussion, and one thing I like to do after I see a movie is REALLY DISCUSS it, like over pie and coffee. We didn't go for the pie, no pie for me -- not tonight. We chitchatted on the way to her house, and she was very touchy-feely, but it may have been the wine. Believe it or not, as much as I need to recharge my soul, I didn't encourage her. I just wanted to go home at that point, but I am meeting her later on this week. Why? I haven't a clue.

Sin City was brilliantly cast, and did Jessica Alba ever sizzle, she was HOT! See it with someone you know.

Deity Satisfaction Survey

2005-04-10T07:24:00.000-04:00

I am taking today off, and as it is Sunday, it is appropriate to give this slot over to the Almighty.

This post is probably one sure way to kill comments on a blog, unless the moral right gets wind of it, and shows up to condemn me for being irreverant. What can I say? I am basking in the glory of being named Denny's BOD, and deserve a day off.

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage.

In order to better serve your needs, The Almighty asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions:

1. How did you find out about your deity?
__ Newspaper
__ Bible
__ Torah
__ Koran
__ Television
__ Book of Mormon
__ Divine Inspiration
__ Dead Sea Scrolls
__ My Mama Done Tol' Me
__ Near Death Experience
__ Near Life Experience
__ National Public Radio
__ Tabloid
__ Burning Shrubbery
__ Other (specify): _____________

2. Which model deity did you acquire?
__ Jehovah
__ Jesus
__ Krishna
__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost [Trinity Pak]
__ Zeus and entourage [Olympus Pak]
__ Odin and entourage [Valhalla Pak]
__ Allah
__ Satan
__ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
__ God 1.0a (Hairy Thunderer)
__ God 1.0b (Cosmic Muffin)
__ None of the above,I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
__ Yes
__ No

If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. Please indicate all that apply:
__ Not eternal
__ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire cosmos
__ Not omniscient
__ Not omnipotent
__ Not infinitely plastic (incapable of being all things to all all creations)
__ Permits sex outside of marriage
__ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
__ Makes mistakes
__ Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people
__ Makes or permits good things to happen to bad people
__ Looks after life other than that on Earth
__ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched
__ Requires burnt offerings
__ Requires virgin sacrifices

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity?
Please check all that apply:
__ Indoctrinated by parents
__ Needed a reason to live
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Needed focus in whom to despise
__ Needed focus in whom to love
__ Imaginary friend grew up
__ Hate to think for myself
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys in church
__ Fear of death
__ Wanted to piss off parents
__ Wanted to please parents
__ Needed a day away from school or work
__ Desperate need for certainty
__ Like organ music
__ Need to feel morally superior
__ Thought Jerry Falwell was cool
__ Thought there had to be something other than Jerry Falwell
__ @#&% was falling out of the sky
__ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Have you ever worshipped a deity before? If so, which false god were you fooled by?
Please check all that apply:
__ Baal
__ The Almighty Dollar
__ Left Wing Liberalism
__ The Radical Right
__ Amon Ra
__ Beelzebub
__ Bill Gates
__ Barney The Big Purple Dinosaur
__ The Great Spirit
__ The Great Pumpkin
__ The Sun
__ The Moon
__ The Force
__ Cindy Crawford
__ Elvis
__ A burning shrub
__ Psychiatry
__ Other: ________________

6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply:
__ Tarot
__ Lottery
__ Astrology
__ Television
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Palmistry
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Self-help books
__ Sex, drugs, and rock & roll
__ Biorhythms
__ Alcohol
__ Marijuana
__ George W.Bush
__ Tea Leaves
__ EST
__ Amway
__ Denny Shane
__ Mantras
__ Jimmy Swaggert
__ Crystals
__ Human sacrifice
__ Pyramids
__ Wandering around a desert
__ Insurance policies
__ Burning shrubbery
__ Barney T.B.P.D.
__ Barney Fife
__ Other:_____________________
__ None

7. God reputedly employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve a balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer? Circle one below:

a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know.
e. What's Divine Intervention?

8. God also reputedly attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 your opinion of the handling of the following
(1 = unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent):

a. Disasters:
1 2 3 4 5 flood
1 2 3 4 5 famine
1 2 3 4 5 earthquake
1 2 3 4 5 war & holocausts
1 2 3 4 5 pestilence
1 2 3 4 5 plague
1 2 3 4 5 spam
1 2 3 4 5 Blogger

b. Miracles:
1 2 3 4 5 rescues
1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions
1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over tiny towns & unknown hamlets
1 2 3 4 5 crying statues
1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine
1 2 3 4 5 walking on water
1 2 3 4 5 coincidence of any sort
1 2 3 4 5 getting any sex whatsoever

9. From time to time God reputedly makes available the names and addresses of Her/His followers and devotees to selected reputedly divine personages who provide quality services and perform intercessions in His behalf. Are you interested in a compilation of listed offerings?

__ Yes, please deluge me with religious zealots for the benefit of my own mortal soul
__ No, I do not wish to be inundated by religious fanatics clamouring for my money

10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary.)

The Morning After

2005-04-09T09:11:00.000-04:00

Shhhhh, be very, very quiet, and I will try to tell you about last night. Coffee please....

We finally got on the road at 9 PM., and headed for 'On the Rocks' to listen to a band called "Little Miss Muffett". One of my friends knows the drummer and bass player, but the real reason we had to go there is because he is in lust for the lead singer, Karmon. The place is packed, the crowd is friendly, the vibe is good. Miss Muffett plays classic rock and top 40's crap, I have yet to hear anything original, but it was ok tunes. A few friendly conversations with the ladies, a few drinks purchased, and...I have a phone number. Not exactly the hookup, but it's promising. The phone number lady was very easy to look at, had a great sense of humor, the greatest smile, and the rest of her looked pretty damn good. So maybe, but for another time.

After a few hours, we travel over to 'South Beach'. 'On the Rocks' is a high end club, 'South Beach' has an eclectic mix of people. All shapes, sizes, colors, come to South Beach. It is always rockin' on Friday nights, and it is crowded. A chance for me here? The place is more rowdy, folks out for the night with no moral constraints holding them back, alot of hard drinking going on, you know this kind of club. It makes for a fun place to be. It is more physical here, touching can occur while you are having conversations. I don't drink often, but I have a nice little buzz going on. The ladies are more predatory, but caution is necessary, the ladies can also be married. Although I am on a mission, married ladies are not a consideration. Some of the ladies have had an early start, and are already juiced for the night. A few eye locks, and they let you know exactly what they are after, and what they will do for you. They are hot, but also sloppy drunk. I've learned to stay away from the sloppy drunks, you never really know what kind of evening you are in for. There could be hysteria, crying jags, drunken arguements, barfing, and the very worst thing, passing out. What exactly are you suppose to do with the body? I had this happen in school, with none of her friends in sight, so I had to stand guard over the body for hours. Nope, never want to do that one again. See, it is not as easy for a guy as you might think. Collect a few numbers here, give out mine to a few, and we are ready to move on.

Whiskey Dicks is the place we always end up the evening. We can play pool here, and a great way to meet chickies is asking them and their friends to play a game. It gives me time to check them out, and actually have a conversation. We had to wait awhile for a table, so stuck around the bar sizing up the scene, and finally asking a few hotties if they would like to play a game. Yes they would, and so we did. I have to tell you that for a guy, watching a lady play pool is very sexy, especially when they stretch across the table to make a difficult shot. Mmmmmm. I was attracted to one of the quieter ones, she was just a little more reserved than her boisterous friends, and I found that appealing. She laughed along with us, and talked, just not as loudly, and I liked it. I spent the rest of the evening focusing on her, trying to get something going, gauging if she had any interest in me at all. It is late, the ladies tell us they have to get going, and what a blast they had with us. The Gonzo of our group actually has connected with one of them, and they are going on to somewhere else. The rest of us decide to end the night, so we walk out with the ladies. I figured I bombed out here, but we laughed a few more laughs in the parking lot, and then she turned to me and said "You can call me sometime if you want to, I would like to hear from you". Oh Wow! I felt like doing a victory dance right there. So ok, my soul did not get recharged, but I ended up with a couple future possibilities, and I had a great time. Nice.

and to further boggle my already spinnin' head, Denny http://djshane.blogspot.com/ has made me BOD? WTF? are you screwing with me, Den? BOD? I thought you only gave those out to the ladies, and I admired you for being so damn slick. HAHAHA! Thanks Den, I am honored, shocked, but honored. I will wear my BODness with pride. Hey, could I put this on a resume?

TGIF

2005-04-08T07:20:00.000-04:00

I am glad that it is Friday, as this has been the GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN week from hell.

Last night I took a night off from blogging, determined to catch up on some sleep. I made some pasta, opened a completely forgettable bottle of wine, and read a book.

In my family, the adults still get Christmas stockings. Although Santa always fails to leave me a blowup doll, there are still some nice things left in mine. Things like wallets, gift certificates, and books.

This time I found the Dean Koontz "Odd Thomas" book. Santa didn't realize that I don't read Koontz much, as his books have become so formula, that they no longer appeal to me. So this book sat on the bookshelf, unread, since the holidays. Last night I decided to take a chance on "Odd Thomas" and found that it was a departure from the author's ususal style. Although lightweight, I found it enjoyable, and I needed an easy read last night. I did catch up on the Zzzz's.

Tonight I am going out with some friends, the destination undetermined, we will know when we get there kind of thing. I really need to go out, and almost screamed "HELL YES" when one of my buds called and asked if I was going along.

I hope you all enjoy your Friday, and something good happens for you. Me? I am hoping to get lucky tonight, I need to recharge my soul. It is all Santa's fault, if only he had left the damn doll.

Lighten Up

2005-04-07T00:13:00.000-04:00

I have to cheat tonight, my days and nights are all blurred together, and I really need some sleep.

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. He told his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

Her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

Amber Alerts

2005-04-06T00:02:00.000-04:00

I was sitting here in my grand funk the past two evenings, staring at the screen, wondering what to write, and noticed twice that the Amber Alert ticker posted here was amber/orange, which of course means a child has been abducted.

My heart sinks everytime I see that change, but still I click on the ticker to get the info. Many times it is the observant eyes of regular citizens, not law enforcement, that brings these kids back home safe and sound. I never know where I might be, when I might see the sick individuals who do these things. When I travel interstates, if I notice a single guy with a short person in the passenger seat, I glance over to see if the kid seems distressed. Yes, I know woman have been known to abduct children as well, but for some reason, obvious reasons, I focus on men.

Anyway, as I sat here in my stupor, not just one, but both of those alerts were cancelled. I was especially concerned about the latest one in Indiana, because the little girl was considered to be in danger. I got the biggest grin on my face, realizing this little lady was on her way home. Can you imagine how her folks felt, what a glorius feeling they must have experienced when they got the news?

It made me remember that while we sometimes go through personal crisis in our lives, wonderous things are happening around us. I like those two miracles, oh yes I do, and I still have the smile on my face.

Reality Check

2005-04-05T03:49:00.000-04:00

I suppose life is like a sunset it's only there for a certain amount of time, and it is beautiful, if we take time to notice. Sometimes we take life for granted the same way, until we get a reality check, like when a good friend has cancer.

One of my best friends from childhood, was diagnosed with cancer yesterday afternoon. She broke the news to me last night. I am in shock. She is an R.N. and has always been on top of her healthcare. Last week, she had a lump removed from her breast. The lump was sent to the lab. Yesterday, the surgeon phoned to inform her this lump, the size of a walnut, was cancerous. In October, she had been told everything was fine, not to worry about this lump. Then she noticed changes in the lump and insisted they take it out. Turns out, they only removed part of the lump, sending a sample of it out for testing, and she is now scheduled to have the rest of it removed next Wednesday. She's scheduled to see a specialist tomorrow for another problem she's had for a couple of months now. She fears it's related to the cancer, afraid the cancer has spread, causing the pain she's been having. I felt helpless. I told her I loved her.

I have been trying to get my mind around this all evening, didn't get online, didn't watch the tube, just sat in the darkness and thought about her, and how much she has been there for me throughout my life. I really cannot imagine my world without her in it. I want to be upbeat and positive for her, but I don't know how to pull it off. Maybe once the shock has worn off.....

I got online just a short while ago, hoping that reading everyone's blogs would be a distraction, and it was to some extent, thank you, but my mind keeps coming back to this, to her.

Damn, this is the worst news, I just don't know what to do.

Desperado

2005-04-04T00:05:00.000-04:00

Thanks to some karaoke a few evenings ago, and watching In America recently, I now have "Desperado" stuck firmly in my head. Although I have a special affinity for this song, lately it has gotten out of hand.

I have been finding myself singing it spontaneously, as I wait for the light to change before I cross the street, driving my car, in the shower, walking my dog, waiting in line at the bank; I swear I must have caught myself singing it at least 20 times in the past couple of days. I just know if they would play it in a store, I would start singing along, and wouldn't that bring some smiles to other shoppers? Ok, maybe not all shoppers, but some of them? It would embarrass the hell out of me.

Does this ever happen to you? To have a song so deeply imbedded in your brain, that you could possibly start singing at a very inappropriate moment? I hope this passes out of my subconscious before my next date. Hmmm, maybe I could use it for a test of sorts, see what her reaction would be. Who am I kidding, she would think I was whacked, and be busy every night for the rest of her life. Good riddance, why would I even be interested in somebody who wouldn't find it irresistible?

Desperado

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom, well that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're losin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late

There, I just passed it on to you. Now you will have the uncontrollable urge to sing. Just be grateful that it's not the Barney tune.

Spring Forward, Fall Back

2005-04-03T01:59:00.000-05:00

This is another one of those posts that you may read in triplicate today when surfing blogs, mostly because guys are lazy, and dates/events gives us something to post about without thinking too hard.

I know that you can search and find info yourself, but I like doing the condensed version. I pick up a few facts when I do.

It is thought that Daylight Savings Time (DST) was first proposed by Benjamin Franklin in a letter to the editors of the Journal of Paris. However, the article was intended to be humorous; Franklin was not proposing DST, but rather that people should get up and go to bed earlier. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. Hey, two out of three ain't bad!

DST was first seriously proposed by William Willett in the "Waste of Daylight", published in 1907, but despite strong lobbying, he was unable to get the British government to adopt it.

Daylight savings time was first put into practice by the German government in 1916, during WWI, followed shortly by the United Kingdom.

In 1918, The United States established different time zones, those that were already being used by the railroads, and made DST official, until the end of the war. The unpopular law was later repealed. DST was briefly resurrected in the US, during WWII, but it was the Uniform Time Act of 1966 that mandated DST be observed nationwide, but allowed for states to be exempt, if they passed their own law.

What is the need for DST? The number one reason is energy savings. The United States Department of Transportation reports that DST reduces electicity usage by 1% a day. Additional benefits include increased daylight for outdoor recreational enjoyment, a reduction in crime, and a large reduction in traffic accidents.

Opponents contend that the 1% benefit is not great enough to justify the problems that are caused by the twice a year change. The disruption in sleep patterns associated with setting clocks forward, and thereby "losing" an hour, correlates with a spike in the number of severe auto accidents, as well as emotional trauma and lost productivity as tired workers adjust to the schedule change. Plus, the use of air conditioning is now widespread, offsetting the savings realized for less lighting usage.

I personally hate DST, and agree with those that think the practice is outdated. It would be more practical to live in a world where time standards are uniform. As it is now, some countries have it, some don't, and others have a variation. It makes it more difficult to conduct global business, in my opinion.

I admit that I like the one hour gift of time in the fall, but I hate giving it back. Does this make the government indian givers? Not only do I have to remember to change the clocks, I get robbed an hour for my effort.

I am one of those people who really do have a hard time adjusting to the change. My system is whacked enough as it is, I really don't need to add to it. Why was it decided to do this on Sunday? Why ruin a perfectly good day? Why not Monday, since it is horrible anyway? I know, I know, it gives business time to accomodate the change, or some other BS.

My current weather is anything but springlike, so if an hour has to go, today is a good day to lose it. Here, have an hour of my miserable weather, it's dark, cold, and rainy. Go ahead and take it. Take two!

Farewell Pope John Paul II

2005-04-03T01:07:00.000-05:00

The Passing of Pope John Paul II, saddens me. He was the Pope the greater part of my life, and I will miss him. He led the fight to bring down communism in Poland, and the revolution spread across the Soviet bloc. He championed the poor.

Now begins the arduous process of selecting the new Pope. The initial process will be rife with politicking, and the building of alliances and coaltions. The Papal Transition itself is sharply defined, with parts cloaked in secrecy. Hopefully, the voting by the Conclave, which should begin within 15 - 20 days , will not be a drawn out affair. The world will be waiting for the white smoke to pour out of the Vatican's Sistine Chapel's chimney.

I wanted to pay tribute to one of our greatest religious and world leaders. I could have easily posted more, but it will be well covered by the media, as well as on the net.

God bless you and keep you, Karol Joseph Wojtyla

Ahhh, to Sleep

2005-04-02T02:49:00.000-05:00

To sleep, perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub.

Yes, there is the rub. I need to sleep, I need my brain to sleep. I wish there was a switch to just turn it off.

Sleep deprivation makes me goofy, and makes it impossible to think of anything to post at this hour, especially when I am suffering from complete brain drain. I will laugh at my blathering on here tomorrow. Right now, I don't give a rat's ass.

Yesterday was pleasant enough, I enjoyed the pranks of Fools day, and later had a pleasant evening out with friends. Immediately after returning home, I knew that I was going to have trouble getting to sleep. I should be out right now, dead to the world, because it was such a long and busy day, but no can do. Nope, not me.

It is raining, I can hear it battering the roof. Tomorrow is going to be more of the same. Ok, the rain isn't really battering the roof, it is lightly falling. I am just hypersensitive right now. I use to get so drowsy listening to the rain. Maybe if I sit quietly and listen, the rain once again will act as a natural tranquilizer. I can only hope.

I have been worried lately, worried about something that I do when I am extremely sleepy.

I talk to myself. Quite a bit. It used to be mostly internal, but recently it's been vocalized. This, in itself, bothers me to some extent. However, it gets worse. This evening, or should I say morning, after I returned home, I had a conversation with myself that ended with: "You know what I mean?" "Of course I know what you mean, dumbass. I'm you. If you know what you mean, then I know what you mean. You idiot." Shouldn't I be worried?

I think I will go listen to the falling rain, upon my window pane. Okay, I really do need some sleep.

Goodnight.

April Fools!

2005-04-01T12:22:00.000-05:00

"The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year." -- Mark Twain

Quick History of April Fool's Day

April Fool's Day, or All Fool's Day, is a holiday of uncertain origin, known for practical joking and celebrated on the first of April. Prior to the adoption of the Gregorian calendar in 1564, the date was observed as New Year's Day by cultures as varied as the Roman and the Hindu. The holiday is considered to be related to the festival of the vernal equinox, which occurs on Mar. 21st.

In 1564, France adopted the reformed calendar and shifted New Year's day to Jan. 1. However, many people either refused to accept the new date, or did not learn about it, and continued to celebrate New Year's Day April 1st. Other people began to make fun of these traditionalists, sending them on "fool's errands" or trying to trick them into believing something false. The French came to call April 1 Poisson d'Avril, or "April Fish". French children sometimes tape a picture of a fish on the back of their schoolmates, crying "Poisson d'Avril" when the prank is discovered. Why April Fish? because at that time of year, the sun was leaving the zodiacal sign of Pisces.

In Scotland, April Fools Day is 48 hours long. The second day is called Taily Day and is dedicated to pranks involving the buttocks. Taily Day's gift to posterior posterity is the still funny "Kick Me" sign.

April Fools' Day hit its stride (avoiding the banana peel) in England in the 18th century, and was brought to colonial America by the English, Scottish, and French. No fooling.

One of our forefathers' favorite jokes was to send someone on a "fool's errand". For example, one might have been asked to go out and obtain a copy of "The History of Adam's Grandfather," or bring back some "sweet vinegar." hardy har har......

I love April Fools pranks. The best one I ever had pulled on me was when a group of buds decided to hide my car. I freaked out when I couldn't find it. I received a phone call, and a whispery voice informed me that the priest of a nearby church was seen driving my car. I went to the parking lot of the church, and sure enough, there sat my car. I still do not know for certain who my tormentors were, but I think we can rule out the priest.

Some of my favorites over the years:

- place a rubberband over the sink sprayer, aim it toward where the person will be standing, and wait for the cussing to start.

- ball up a wad of tape and place in the earpiece of the phone receiver. This is a great one for the work place.

- glue eggs into the bottom of the carton and ask for an omelet for breakfast

- hard boil all the eggs in the carton and ask for scrambled eggs

- if you work in an office, tape down the ball on everyone's mouse

- re-arrange other people's drawers or furniture

- move somebody's car - I still laugh when I remember this one

- the always favorite salt in the sugar bowl, and vicey versa

- XXX hotsauce in the catsup

This is just a few of the more simple ones, and I am sure you have pulled a good prank or ten yourself. What was the best one that you played, or was played on you?

Before I forget, I have an update on blogger. They sent me an email which stated that they had read my post, and were very sorry for the inconvenience which I had experienced, and their only goal was to improve my satisfaction with their service....

APRIL FOOLS!

Blogger is a Booger

2005-03-31T01:14:00.000-05:00

Blogger has certainly treated us to a few great days this week. I suspect most blog sites have their glitches, and according to those who have been blogging awhile, blogger is still the most dependable. Well, if you say so. I just know I was getting more frustrated everytime I would try to login or comment, and was denied. I smacked my head on my keyboard after receiving this message for the gazillionith time:

ERROR
We apologize for the inconvenience, but we are unable to process your request at this time. Our engineers have been notified of this problem and will work to resolve it.

Thanks to blogger, my original post for tonight was wiped out, and I have neither the time nor patience to redo. I was in the process of saving to draft, as I normally do, when hateful blogger struck. Instead you are stuck with this vulgar, offensive, crude offering, which happens to tie in nicely with my thoughts about blogger right now. You'll know that part when you get to it.

Knowing that I am a huge Monty Python fan, a friend passed this along to me, and I thought it was a hilarious.

Now I have to warn you that it takes time to load, and as a matter of fact, after waiting a goodly while, I went ahead and clicked play. Could the continuous loading be part of the joke? You need your speakers on. If you have children nearby, headphones or volume turned down low.

http://www.funlol.com/funpages/historyoffword.html

If you are offended by vulgarity, you might want to skip this......but I bet you peek!

Finger Food

2005-03-29T00:05:00.000-05:00

I was reading another blog the other day, and somebody commented about a finger being found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Oh right, I thought. Another one of those idiotic tales going around. I intended to write a post debunking it as another urban legend. So, I went to the Urban Legends site (link is on my sidebar) to see if anything was posted on it. I wanted to get ammunition. I was in for a total surprise. It is true! It was reported in the local papers, and picked up by AP and MSNBC, so many of you probably know about it. I didn't. The week this happened, I was scuba diving in Xcalak, Mexico. See what I missed? I thought I would post the whole report, ad nauseam, for others who might have missed it.

Claim: A patron dining at a Wendy's fast food outlet found a human finger in her bowl of chili.

Status: True.

Origins: Claims of human body parts turning up in food products are the most horrifying of contaminated food legends, both because of our very strong societal taboo against the eating of human flesh, and because such a discovery suggests a human death, almost certainly one that was accidental rather than natural (and which conjures up images of a slow and painful death by industrial accident), or at least a painful dismemberment.

Fortunately, improved health and safety standards in food processing make such occurrences quite rare, and most reports of consumers finding body parts in food turn out to be cases of mistaken identity — something that looks like a human body part is found, upon examination by experts, to be something else entirely. (See, for example, our page about a scare involving a finger supposedly found in a can of menudo.) If recent reports are correct, however, such a grisly discovery has indeed been made.

On the evening of 22 March 2005, Anna Ayala, a 39-year-old resident of Las Vegas was dining at a San Jose outlet of the Wendy's fast food restaurant chain when she discovered what appeared to be a human finger in her bowl of chili. According to the San Jose Mercury News: Devina Cordero, 20, was with her boyfriend at the fast food restaurant when she said the woman, who has not been identified, began gasping and ran up to her saying: "Don't eat it! Look, there's a human finger in our chili."

Cordero said the object appeared cooked and seemed to have a long fingernail at the end. All three people soon became sick.

"We went up to the counter and they told us it was a vegetable," Cordero said. "The people from Wendy's were poking it with a spoon."

San Jose police officer Enrique Garcia said the Santa Clara County Health Department is taking over the investigation. "It was some sort of small mass which appeared to have a fingernail. It's a small piece," Garcia said. "They collected the finger and placed it in a freezer for the health department."

A health officer described the unfortunate diner's reaction to the gruesome discovery: "Initially she did put this object in her mouth, and did bite down on it, and wasn't sure exactly what it was," said Dr. Marty Fenstersheib, a health officer. "She's doing okay. Initially, she was a bit grossed out, as she described to me and vomited a number of times mainly because of the unpleasant experience of having this finger in her mouth."

The Wendy's restaurant temporarily closed but reopened later that evening (although they maintained they had run out of chili for the day).

The following day, Santa Clara County health officials announced at a press conference that they had confirmed the object found in the bowl of Wendy's chili was indeed a human finger, and they were planning to trace the ingredients back to the source to determine where it came from, whose it was, and how it got into the chili.

The Associated Press reported that officials believe the contamination did not pose any health danger: Officials said the fingertip was about 1-1/2 inches long and contained part of a manicured nail. The woman, who asked officials not to identify her, immediately spit it out, Santa Clara County Health Officer Martin Fenstersheib said.

"She was a bit grossed out it was described to me, and vomited a number of times," he said.

Health investigators seized all the ingredients at the restaurant and are tracing them back to their manufacturer. They believe the finger got into the chili at an earlier stage and was cooked at a high enough temperature to kill any viruses. Investigators have ruled out the possibility that the finger formerly belonged to an employee of the San Jose Wendy's outlet: Employees at the Wendy's store were asked to show investigators their fingers after the Tuesday night incident. All employees' digits were accounted for, officials said, adding the well-cooked finger may have come from a food-processing plant that supplies the company.

"All of our employees have ten digits," said Denny Lynch, a spokesman for Wendy's International Inc., based in Dublin, Ohio.

He said there have been no reports to the U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration of injuries at any supplier of chili ingredients to Wendy's. "By law, you can't hide that sort of stuff," Lynch said. "All of our chili suppliers report no accidents."

A medical examiner has opined that the finger portion appears to have been torn, not cut, from its base: "The segment of skin has very irregular torn edges, it looks like its lacerated," said Joseph O'Hara, a medical examiner. "It's not incised — incised meaning it would have been with a sharp edge like a knife or something, that was not the case — it was torn, it had multiple puncture defects."

The county medical examiner said the human finger was cooked but not decomposed. Investigators are trying to trace the finger to its origin through fingerprint matching, and determine whether the finger was introduced into the ingredients used to make chili or dropped into the finished product afterwards.

Meanwhile, the hunt for the former owner of the finger — that would be a person missing about an inch and a half of a digit — continues. Capt. Bob Dixon of the Santa Clara County coroner's office said Friday the crime lab has completed the first part of attempting to lift a usable fingerprint from it. The idea, he said, is to run the print through a database and try to match it to its owner.

Then, one would imagine, there would be many, many questions. Such as, did you know we had your finger? Why was Wendy's serving your finger in its chili? Do you want your finger back?

Dixon also said that so far it's impossible to tell whether the finger was cooked along with the main batch of chili or somehow dropped into the serving cup afterward. The lab is going to try to determine if there's some kind of test to figure that out.

There is as yet no evidence that (as is often the case) someone intentionally put the finger in the chili in order to perpetrate a scam, but Ms. Ayala has retained a lawyer, who told the Mercury News: "All I can say is she has suffered tremendously," Jeffrey Janoff, a San Jose attorney, said. "People are making jokes about this, but this is a really serious thing. How many people have bitten into human flesh? It's revolting."

Business at Wendy's restaurants has reportedly dropped off sharply in the days since the gruesome finger discovery, particularly at the outlet where the incident occurred and throughout Northern California.

I've heard of giving people the finger, but this is ridiculous!

Coping with Monday

2005-03-28T00:12:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me, knows that I hate Mondays. I am not alone, thousands of people out there are afflicted with the dreaded Monday morning blues. When I was younger, I would wake up on Monday morning and proclaim, "MONDAY SUCKS, I WISH IT WAS OVER!" My Mom would tell me to stop wishing my life away. I would reply "I HATE MONDAYS!" She would calmly tell me that I better learn how to cope with Mondays, one-seventh of my life is comprised of them. Bah.

Monday mornings go something like this:

1. Waking up: Wake up 1 hour late for work.

2. Getting dressed: Realize clothes were never picked up from the cleaners, so make do with clothes that look slept in. Additionally realize that a load of laundry was never put in the dryer the night before. This includes socks and underwear.

3. Heading out the door: Leave house at last. Realize keys are missing. (Monday is the top realization day) Retrace steps back into house. Finally find keys in the pocket of jeans worn the previous day, which are now in the laundry basket.

4. Getting there: Running late means driving in the worst of the rush hour traffic. Get to the off ramp, and then remember that this road, MY road, is closed for construction, starting MONDAY MORNING! Turn around to drive an alternate route. Mistake adds another 30 minutes of drive time.

This is just getting up and getting to work. The whole day continues on to confirm why I hate Mondays.

I have read that the stress of returning to work on a Monday morning can trigger a dangerous increase in blood pressure. Studies say it may explain why deaths from heart attacks and strokes tend to peak on a Monday morning. I am not intentionally ordering up a heart attack or stroke, I just need to work, damnit!

I have tried to find some way to help me over my Monday blues. Yes Mom, I am trying to cope. I ran across the following while looking for Monday coping strategies:

There's actually a scientific explanation behind those dreaded Monday morning blues. Our internal clocks naturally operate on a day that is longer than 24 hours. By the time Monday rolls around each week, we've built up a sleep deficit of at least an hour. Of course, the weekend revelries and facing another work week don't help matters. Here are tips to make Monday mornings a little easier.

How to Beat the Monday Morning Blues

1. If you can, sleep in an extra hour on Monday mornings. Going to bed early on Sunday night doesn't always help because most people will remain awake until their usual bedtime.

2. If you can't sleep in by a full hour (and most of us can't), take action Sunday night to shorten your morning preparation time so that you can set the alarm for 15 minutes later than usual. Wash your hair, pack lunches, lay out your outfit or pack your briefcase on Sunday night.

3. Hop out of bed the moment you wake up on Monday morning. Lingering in that downy comforter will only draw out the agony.

4. End your shower with a jolt of cold water to tear yourself out of your grogginess. Or exercise in the morning to get your blood pumping and to release those feel-good endorphins.

5. Get out in the sunlight. Bright light tells your body that it is indeed the morning and helps reset your internal clock.

6. Drink coffee or another caffeine beverage. Although it's not healthy to drink caffeine to the point of addiction, caffeine, when used in moderation, can give your Monday mornings that much-needed oomph and alertness.

7. Anticipate your Monday morning on Friday afternoon. Fight the temptation to race away from a messy desk. Clean up your desk and leave yourself a to-do list to make Monday morning a little more tolerable.

Look, I wake up an hour late as it is, so none of the above are going to work. I barely have time for a shower, and just forget about having coffee. It almost always rains on Mondays. Who the hell worries about their desk on Friday? Is this a tolerance test?

There is a CD available entitled "Mozart for Mondays", as if listening to Mozart is really going to help me cope. The cover reads "Start Your Week On A Winning Streak." Oh pulease!

Mom, I really am trying, but I still HATE MONDAYS!

Happy Easter

2005-03-27T06:40:00.000-05:00

Happy Easter Everyone! I hope that the Easter Bunny was generous, and left you plenty of non-fat treats.

Some of the blogs I have visited the past few days have mentioned coloring and hiding Easter eggs. This was always one of my favorite Easter traditions, hunting for those eggs! My family was ingenius in finding clever hiding spots, but none that can beat:

THE TOP TEN PLACES TO HIDE EASTER EGGS!

1. In the tarantula exhibit at the zoo

2. The county sewage treatment plant

3. In a tank full of piranha

4. Under the Dali Lama's Dress

5. Second stall in the men's room at Bruce's House of Pain

6. Inside an active volcano

7. In the office of Rabbi Saul Rosenburg

8. Chernobyl

9. Buried beneath yak droppings

10. And the #1 hiding place? Why don't you tell me? Use your imagination and come up with the very best hiding place of all!

Oh yeah, my body is off limits.

HAPPY HUNTING!

Priceless

2005-03-26T08:05:00.000-05:00

Today I am a slacker, for holiday weekends always finds me in a vegatative state. In the spirit of Easter, I wanted to find something which would illustrate the goodness of men. I offer you this.

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And next to them, a single red rose.

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order; spotlessly clean, as is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping - Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, "son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Jack said "So why is everything in such perfect order, so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!...Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone lady. I'm married!"

Broken furniture - $85.26.
Hot breakfast - $4.20.
Red rose bud - $3.00.
Two aspirin - $.38.
Saying the right thing at the right time.....Priceless!

Rules From the Male Side

2005-03-25T15:52:00.000-05:00

These are THE RULES, as handed down by other men in relationships. Happily involved? I wouldn't know. What I do know is this, I would be terrified to use them. The ladies I know would whack me for sure!

These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit or a vegetable or whatever. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics basbaseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. When I lay something down, I expect it to be there when I come back for it. Don't touch it! New rule added for Fizzy's hubby.

1. If I say I am cooking, I know what I am doing, so please stop looking over my shoulder and GET OUT of the kitchen! Courtesy of MrGonSings.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know that if I had a significant other, that I would have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Murder

2005-03-24T21:47:00.000-05:00

Terri Schiavo is visibly dying a slow death. Her husband is screaming "LET HER DIE IN PEACE!" Starving to death is peaceful? It was upsetting to read that the Supreme Court, without explanation, refused to hear the case. A Florida state judge declined to hear Gov. Jeb Bush's petition to take custody of Terri Schiavo. Bush is appealing, but the chances of winning the appeal are slim. Starved to death, and we are a civilized nation. It might take up to two weeks for her to die of starvation and dehydration. We are more humane to domestic pets. This isn't the case of somebody pulling the plug on a respirator, it's cruelty cloaked in mercy. It's murder is what it is, plain and simple. Earlier, I took a poll on AOL, the results stunned me.

Do you approve of Gov. Bush's actions?
No 67%

Yes 33%

Who should have custody of Schiavo?
Her husband 63%

Her parents 32%

The state of Florida %5

Total Votes: 247,586

Do you agree with the court's decision not to intervene?
Yes 69%

No 31%

Total Votes: 128,188

I realize that this poll is just a sampling, and that there are thousands who feel the same as me, but based on these results, what does that say about our country? Unmerciful, inhumane, unfeeling come to my mind. Many people abhor government intervention in the case, but where else do you go to stop a murder? This is beyond me, this total lack of feeling for her parents, for her. God bless you, Terri. Maybe you are moving on to a better place, I just wish it didn't have to be such a slow, agonizing trip.

Women Over 30

2005-03-24T00:02:00.000-05:00

courtesy of Andy Rooney.

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She finds something else to do and usually it's more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will even ignore her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.

Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends; she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. She already knows.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you if you're a jerk, or acting like one. You don't have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, sexy, smart, well-coiffed woman of 30+, there's a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with a 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free," here's an update. Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because they realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

An Alternative to Retirement Homes

2005-03-23T06:07:00.000-05:00

This is a companion piece to my earlier post "Everyone is Growing Older".

Housing costs are phenomenal for senior citizens on fixed incomes. Retirement and nursing homes charge outrageous prices, and that's for the bad ones.

What follows is a post that I lifted from a message board I frequent. It's a humorous alternative, and if it really could be done, it gives me something to look forward to.

We were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc, seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.
As we left the dining room one evening, I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises." She replied,"Yes, that's true." I said, "I don't understand" and she replied, without pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home."

AN ALTERNATIVE RETIREMENT HOME!

There will be no nursing home in my future........ When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship.

The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready.

So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship. P.S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge!

Love it, thanks Jim. This is definitely something I could grow old with. I wonder if they offer bedpan service?

I Have No Style

2005-03-22T00:07:00.000-05:00

It is no secret that I am new to blogging. Thanks to Denny Shane http://djshane.blogspot.com/, I felt encouraged to give it a try. I enjoy the simplistic style of my blog, (read, this is all I have figured out so far) and find it relaxing to post something every evening to my online journal. I have been visiting quite a few blogs, and appreciate the variety. I have no theme as yet, I guess you could say that I have no style. I started out with the idea that this would be my personal journal, something to putz around with, vent my daily frustrations, and seen only by me. Then, of course, I wanted something more. I tinkered with the idea of employing a designer to help me along, but quickly dismissed it, because I haven't a clue as to what direction I want to go. Zilch ideas. Nada one. I have no style.

I visit other blogs to give me ideas of what I might like to do with my own. In doing so, I have noticed that there is a difference in the tone of those belonging to females compared to those of males. I haven't visted thousands, but what I have seen so far has led me to several conclusions, generalizations to be sure, but how I see it just the same.

The blogs of guys seemed geared to shared events and interests, and were more general in nature. Review of comments revealed that they were more external, written without the revelations of fears and insecurities, very humorous and entertaining, and are kept very light and witty. Although I did read negative comments regarding work, government, jobs, and ex-wives, the references to their personal lives were somewhat obscure. Denny, your blog is the exception. Well, mostly, although I have seen references to ex's.

The ladies share their hearts and souls. Many of their blogs are deeply personal, more specific when it comes to their daily lives, and give us an indepth look at their reality. Although males may stay impersonal on their own blogs, they offer tremendous emotional support to their female friends in the blogger community. Plus, the ladies can be funny as hell. They create such humorous situations, that I really do LOL!

On a related note, I visited the blogs of four courageous ladies today. All determined to meet life head-on, on their terms, while juggling a myriad of personal conflicts and concerns. One of them doesn't yet realize how courageous she is, but her friends do. I love reading their blogs, the words flow so smoothly. I can easily visualize the experiences they are relating to us.

I have really rambled on tonight, yet another disjointed commentary from the guy who has no style.

Spring has Arrived

2005-03-21T08:45:00.000-05:00

How did I overlook that yesterday was the first day of Spring? I anxiously await it's return every year, because it means that summer is on the way! YIPPEE! Happy second day of Spring to all. The birds must know it, they are singing with gusto. I recently learned that it is mostly male birds who do the singing, it is their way of saying first thing, back off, this is MY territory. That might be true, but I will continue to believe that they sing out of sheer happiness. Makes my day more positive.

Is Easter really this Sunday? Wow. Family dinner to contend with, but at least I get to enjoy a homecooked meal.

I have published this post three times now, but it ends up not being the current post. Oh, I see that the time stamp for the previous post somehow got changed from AM to PM when I published. I am still such a novice when it comes to blogging. Hopeless...

Everyone is Growing Older

2005-03-21T00:14:00.000-05:00

I am in serious mode, I visited with my grandfather this afternoon. I listened to him rail on about what those "monkeys" on the Hill are doing to make things rougher for the elderly. He hates the term, elderly. Ok, so let's call them ancients. No, that's disrepectful. Senior citizen is safe, I'll use that term. I have decades to go before I am promoted to senior, but listening to my grandfather, I am learning now to be worried about later. I am becoming more observant of issues that impact their daily lives. Even with the strength of AARP behind them, they remain largely unheard and underserved. Do they lose value with legislators as their constituency shelf-life diminishes? I really am not on a political rant, even if it should appear that I am. I am anxious. If it is this hard today, what will it be like in 30 years, even 10 years? Will the possibility of a bankrupt Social Security become a reality?

I was disappointed in the recent, narrow defeat (50-49) of a plan that would allow the government to negotiate Medicare drug costs. The bi-partisan plan, proposed by Rep. Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine, and Dem. Ron Wyden from Oregon, would have allowed for negotiations between the Department of Health and Human Services and drug manufacturers. They felt, God bless 'em, that modifying the current Medicare drug law, would be a common sense move to decrease skyrocketing prescription costs, and give the government flexibility as senior citizens on Medicare start getting a drug benefit next year. The reason for the defeat? The White House and most Republicans didn't want it. The Finance Committee chairman Charles Grassley, an Iowa Republican, said he does not want to make changes to the Medicare drug benefit before it goes into effect next January. This opinion ruled the day. It remains our national disgrace, this large cost burden on the shoulders of our seniors, many who are at poverty level. Will this really be re-considered after the new benefit goes into effect? I wonder what the arguement will be then?

It really has started to sink in, this will someday be my worry, yours as well. Think you are too young to be involved? Think again. Take the time to write your legislators regarding senior issues, it might give them the nudge they need to vote the right way next time around. We must protect our grandparents and parents in the present, and protect our own future. Lend them your voice today, it might benefit you tomorrow.

Not since Bonzo, have we been able to trust a monkey. Special vigilance is needed watching those Hill monkeys.

Don't worry Grandfather, I have your back.

And Now for Something Completely Different

2005-03-20T00:18:00.000-05:00

A heads-up, Python Fans, Spamalot opened on the Great White Way on March 17th. The bizarrely funny and surreal "Holy Grail" has made the transition to a musical. Also thrown in, to the delight of the audience, are spoofs on other stage triumphs such as "The Phantom of the Opera," "Les Miserables," "The Boy From Oz" and "Fiddler on the Roof".

The 23-member ensemble will include Brad Bradley (Annie Get Your Gun), Thomas Cannizzaro (Cabaret), Kevin Covert, Jesse Tyler Ferguson (On the Town), Jennifer Frankel (Chicago), Lisa Gajda (Movin’ Out), Jenny Hill (Seussical), Emily Hsu (Flower Drum Song), Abbey O'Brien, Ariel Reid, Pamela Remler (Chicago), Greg Reuter (Chicago), Brian Shepard (Annie Get Your Gun), Rick Spaans (Annie Get Your Gun), and Scott Taylor (Contact). They will join stars David Hyde Pierce, Tim Curry, Hank Azaria, Douglas Sills, Michael McGrath, Steve Rosen and Sara Ramirez in the new musical. Tim Curry as King Arthur? Perfect!

Who doesn't remember the Knights who would say "Ni"? Plus, you gotta love the Black Knight. The clacking coconuts artfully simulating hoof beats? Killer Rabbit? It will all be there!

It took Eric Idle all of three years to write, and am I ever glad he did. Something fresh on Broadway. Will I be going? You bet, if I can get tickets. When I do, I will post here. Want the script to the "Holy Grail"? http://www.rit.edu/~smo4215/monty.htm Funny!

I have been an ardent fan from early on. I must own everything out there on DVD, but am always searching to make sure I haven't missed anything. The complete set of "Flying Circus" is a must.

When I was going to school, my frat bros would greet each other with a hardy "I AM A SHUBBER", when meeting up at our local hangout. We could recite most of the lines from Holy Grail and Life of Brian, and often did, to the annoyance of nearby tables. You know how it is. A few pitchers of beer, somebody starts, then off we go. Such great, stupid, silly fun.

Flying Circus will be inducted into the "Rose d'Or" Hall of Fame. To accept the honor will be Terry Jones, who said “I am delighted that Monty Python’s Flying Circus is to be inducted into the Rose d’Or Hall of Fame. Me and the whole Python team were delighted with our wins at the Festival and it will be a pleasure to revisit the Rose d’Or and relive those memories, as the show and the whole team are honoured and remembered in this new and very special way”." Terry Gilliam added, "I can think of no more delightful way of being honoured than by being frozen in a glacier. I'm even more delighted that Terry Jones will be accepting the honour for the group.....alone".

The Rose d'Or, or Golden Rose, will be held
MAY 3-8, in Lucerne, Switzerland

Run Away!!!

Friday Nights All Right for Fighting?

2005-03-19T02:16:00.000-05:00

I am just in from a night of shooting pool with some of my buds. I won a few, so nothing to complain of there. What I can complain of, is the huge amount of nastiness out there tonight. It is true that people under the influence of alchohol can be assholes, but in the past, it was a couple incidents a night, with the majority out to have a good time. Lately though, it is just the opposite. There was an abnormal amount of cat fights tonight, with more than the typical shoving, drinks thrown in the face, and hair pulling. Remember when it was unusual to see chicks get into a smackdown? It was seldom enough that it was a special occasion for us guys, and we would all gather hoping to see panties, or even better, some skin. It is more often now, and more brutal. They don't bitch slap, they punch, kick, throw barstools, it is unbelievable. When did this all start, and why? Guys could always count on the females keeping the peace, calming us down, on rowdy Friday nights. Now, more often than not, it is females who are combative, and being tossed out the door. The places I frequent are not low end places, that's what makes it more amazing. Now there is the potential that when the guys get into it, one of them just might have a gun in the car, or a knife in their pocket, and use it. It goes way beyond the Friday nights are made for fighting of the past. There is just an aggressive, hostile vibe out there now, one has to be enguard all the time. Can it be attributed to drugs? Maybe that is part of it, but is it the only reason? Is this more prevalent in university towns, or is it happening in rural areas as well? It is sad to think that there may never be a return to the Friday nights of my past.

Morbid News

2005-03-18T00:11:00.000-05:00

I read two disturbing news items this evening that are now stuck in my brain. I cannot stop wondering what were their last thoughts? Too morbid to think about, so why am I?

LAKELAND, Fla. - A man found dead in a pond was the victim of a nearly nine-foot alligator that was captured and killed, the medical examiner’s office said Tuesday. Officials did not know what Don Owen, 56, a truck driver from Bartow, was doing at the pond about a dozen miles from his home. He had been missing since Wednesday when he was seen at a convenience store. On Saturday his remains were found by several men fishing in Six Pound Pond. An autopsy determined he had been killed by the eight-foot, nine-inch alligator, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission said. Trappers caught the alligator Monday. Owen’s forearm was found in its stomach. Residents said they had fed the alligator, which is illegal and dangerous, said Gary Morse, spokesman for the wildlife commission. Alligators normally flee from humans unless threatened or cornered, but alligators that have been fed by humans begin to look at them as a food source, he noted. Since 1948, 330 alligator attacks have been documented by the commission. Sixteen have been fatal, including Owen’s.

Then this one, and I remember this nutcase, but never knew she met her end this way.

For years, Letterman was famously targeted by a stalker, who called herself "Mrs. David Letterman" and broke into his Connecticut house at least seven times. Margaret Ray eventually pleaded guilty to breaking and entering. Diagnosed with schizophrenia, she served 10 months in prison and 14 months in a mental institution. In 1998, she committed suicide at age 46 by kneeling in front of a train.

ENOUGH! I am gonna have nightmares already!

Happy St. Patty's Day

2005-03-17T08:30:00.000-05:00

I want to wish all my Irish friends a very happy day, and for those who aren't -- enjoy the party!

Did I read somewhere that Gerry Adams is in the States promoting the peace process? I hope to see peace come to Ireland in my lifetime.

Late to Bed, Early to Rise

2005-03-17T00:05:00.000-05:00

This is getting insane, my lack of sleep. Dedicated bloggers probably run on 4-5 hours of snooze time, and think nothing of it, so I might sound like a whiner here. It wouldn't be so bad if I had a functioning brain, but that is not the case.

I worked 12 hours today. A mentally draining day. Nothing exceptional happened. One older, very polished, professional, guy I had to interact with today seemed to have a leaky bowel/gas emissions problem. Gawd Almighty, it was bad. I swear he crapped himself, because when he moved the odor went with him. HOW COULD HE NOT SMELL THAT?!? I was literally trapped with this shithead in an office, then in a van. No escape. I decided that I would arm myself next time with a can of deodorizer. If he is rude enough to emit, I will be rude enough to spray. I know, I know, it might be a health issue, but what about me? How do you go about broaching the subject to somebody you really do not know that well? I should have asked "Man, do you smell that? Are they having a sewer problem here or something?", but I didn't want to embarass him.

The birds were belting out some great tunes today, letting me know that Spring would soon be here. Their tunes put me in a positive mindset when I started out the morning. I had a different vision of how the day would be, didn't know then that it would be so long, boring, and just downright shitty.
Just another day in paradise...

Happy Hump Day

2005-03-16T05:35:00.000-05:00

Hump Day. I know that term means celebrating the halfway point of the Monday - Friday work week, but the mental image I get when I think of it, isn't that at all. Disgusting of me. I wonder which is correct, Hump Day, or Humpday? The Ides of March slid right by, with no impact. I think the trick is not to acknowledge it, same for Friday the 13th. If acknowleged, you invite the mischievous, sometimes evil, forces into your day.

On a message board I frequent, somebody boasted of having jello shots made with everclear, and that they were KILLER! Oh, it is killer alright, it has killed alot of kids, and some states do not even allow the sale of it. Everclear is pure grain alcohol, 190 proof (95%) and a less common 151 proof (75.5%) variant. A stronger vodka. If you make it through the night, can you imagine your head the next morning?

I had a little more 5 hours sleep, so I should be good to go today. I wonder how I would feel if I ever got the recommended 8 hours of sleep? I cannot imagine it.

Happy Hump Day!

Walkin' da Dog

2005-03-15T22:40:00.000-05:00

This evening, I took my pup for a walk. It was dark, and our special bond seemed even deeper because of it. Simon is a doberman, but unlike any that I have had in my life before. I hate to say "owned". Let's face it, your dog owns you. He loves people, kids, cats, other dogs, watching birds, tracking jets as they fly across the sky, and he loves to entertain me. What a clown. I often wonder who he was in a previous life? He is not overly possessive by any means. What comedian talked about the dog who would let the burgler in, but getting out would be a huge problem? Maybe Cosby. Simon would not only let them in, but as they were going out the door with all my earthly possessions, he would happily accompany them. As I observed him tonight, I appreciated his joy and enthusiam for life. It provided a positive vibe that I really needed. I enjoyed our foray, and loved that he could brighten the night the way he did. I decided to write a special post just for him, my best friend.

Muderous Monday Is Over

2005-03-15T00:09:00.000-05:00

It was every bit as bad as I had thought it would be, I guess I can predict the future after all.

It was like trying to put together a giant zigsaw puzzle, with pieces missing. Nothing worked out today, nothing fit together. Sleep deprivation robbed me of a productive day. I am writing this now so that I can snooze in late tomorrow morning. I don't think I am doing a great job of typing, but I won't know that until I see it tomorrow. I am thinking of turning off the phone. I could turn it down, but I sleep so lightly, that the soft click of the answering machine would wake me. If I have another night of no sleep, I don't think I could make it through tomorrow, and taking a day off is not an option. I spent alot of time online tonight. Wasted hours? I am not sure. I was enjoying myself, but I should have been in bed already. At least I posted for today. I'm committed to posting once a day, for as long as I can. I cannot think well, right now, drained brain. Maybe if I could squeeze in 7 hours of Z's, I will recover. Why is it, when I am this sleepy, what I really want is a big pot of coffee? I can taste it, I want it bad. Wouldn't that be a dumb thing for me to do?

Off to bed. Goodnight Brother Moon.

Assisted Insomnia

2005-03-14T05:12:00.000-05:00

Here I am, awake earlier than I have to be, because some drunken idiot had to call a wrong number. There should be a law, PUI, phoning under the influence. This guy was really gone, kept insisting that he talk to Tammy, not once, but 3 times. Unfortunately, he was a private caller, or else I would have had a name and, at least, had some fun. "Sorry Dave, Tammy is asleep right now, and I don't want to wake her, we were out so late." Mean thing to do to Tammy, whoever she is, but entertaining for me. All I got out of it was less sleep. Nothing like starting Monday this tired, it will set the tone for the week. Time to start chugging the java, it is too late to try and get some shut-eye. Thanks Dave.

Going Nowhere Fast

2005-03-13T19:15:00.000-05:00

This is a blog about nothing. Maybe I am just lazy, or maybe I just hate to think, but I am having a hard time being productive here. Asking me to recollect my past is futile, and I have never been good at predicting the future. Does this mean that I am in limbo? How about this blog? Maybe there will not be much forward progress, other than me rambling on. My friends swear that writing is cathartic, that it would be good for me, but what I must purge myself of is beyond me. I won't sweat that for now. At the very least, I now mimic so many others and have a BLOG. I will put forth a feeble effort, to see if it is beneficial for me. Will it be interesting? Hell no, not for you, but this is about me, remember? I have an online friend that said she could never do a blog, have her thoughts out there, accessible to the world. She said it would be like publishing her diary. I would love to read her diary! I haven't told my friends that I finally have one, don't know if I will. Maybe if I ever get the energy to add the bells & whistles, I would let them know. For now, it will remain my online journal. Females have diaries, men have journals, and real men do eat quiche. I feel comfortable doing this, because I am not expecting anyone to drop by.

Spittin Into The Wind

2004-12-13T08:02:00.000-05:00

I have absolutely nothing to say at this point, I just wanted to setup a blog, in support of Denny Shane's Blog. Why the title? That's my life for now.
Go ahead and leave comments about how much this one sucks, I couldn't agree more.
Oh yeah, and Happy Holidays!